S1E1: INTRODUCTION – NEWARK, DE

Hello and welcome! To the Lori’s Hands Community Voices Series. I’m your host, Jennifer McCord. Each week on this series, we’ll hear from different clients of Lori’s Hands about their lives and stories. And we’ll think about the ways that each person’s life can teach us about health. We are delighted to introduce you to these clients and bring you these stories.

If you’ve found your way here, you might already be a friend of Lori’s Hands and familiar with what the organization does. And, if you’re new here, some quick background:

Lori’s Hands is a nonprofit organization. The people who benefit from Lori’s Hands fall into two main groups: #1. students, and #2. people experiencing chronic illness, who live in or around that college community.

Lori’s Hands connects these two groups — the college student volunteers will visit these community members going through chronic illness. The students help out with things like cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry — what the health sciences field calls instrumental activities of daily living. These activities are often the kinds of things that can get a lot harder when you’re managing a chronic illness.

So Lori’s Hands makes a lot of sense, right? One group needs some extra help, so they get matched up with another group, who has the time and ability to provide that help.

But the thing is, the value exchange goes both ways. The students help with those instrumental activities I mentioned, and during those visits, Lori’s Hands clients share with the students — about their experiences and insights around health and healthcare, and their lives.

And I stress this two-way exchange, because it says so much about Lori’s Hands’ mindset, and their approach. For this series, I spoke with Maggie Ratnayake, who is the program Director for Lori’s Hands, and Maggie emphasized the value that clients provide for their students too:

MAGGIE: Whether it’s directly related to health care, or just life in general, our clients have so much to offer to our students. We want an individual as they join Lori’s hands to be just willing to share about their experiences.

We encourage our students to ask our clients questions about what their day to day realities are, what it was like for them to be diagnosed with a chronic disease, what it’s like for them to manage their health care and to live independently, so that students are gaining a really unique and essential perspective into life with a chronic illness directly from a client, and directly from someone who’s living with it in the community.

Lori’s Hands values its clients not just as individuals worthy of care, but also as teachers — who have rich lives and interesting minds that we’d all benefit to hear more from.

Which brings us to this series!

In these episodes, we’ll be hearing from current Lori’s Hands clients about their lives. We interviewed them safely, remotely, over the phone. And undergraduate students assisting with this project helped prepare for and lead those interviews. In our conversations, these clients shared about their families, their careers, their communities, and the things that bring them joy.

And, while each client who receives services from Lori’s Hands qualifies for those services, in part, because they’re experiencing chronic illness — you won’t hear much, in these episodes, about their health. Because we didn’t ask. This was a decision the Lori’s Hands team made up front when we started talking about this series, and it mirrors the perception-shift many student volunteers have:

MAGGIE: What they find is, our clients are people; they’re three dimensional. And as they are making their visits, they’re seeing just these rich, beautiful histories and personalities. And they are getting to know our clients as friends, and they are no longer just a, a person with diagnosis. And that may be part of who they are, but it’s certainly not the extent of who they are.

We also didn’t ask these clients about their chronic conditions because, as Maggie pointed out — health, too is much broader than a diagnosis:

MAGGIE: It’s about food access, it’s about transportation, it’s about a home environment, it’s about social support systems — all of these different pieces play a role in a person’s health and well-being and they’re important considerations when we think about a person maintaining their wellness.

Lori’s Hands currently helps support around 125 clients and engages almost 200 students, in Delaware, in Maryland, and soon, in Michigan. And for this season, our very first, all of the clients we’ll hear from are from the chapter where LH began — Newark, Delaware.

This is particularly fun for me because Newark, DE is home to the University of Delaware, which is where I went to college. In fact while I was a student there 12 years ago, I was also part of the first-ever cohort of Lori’s Hands volunteers.

So — if it wasn’t clear already — I am not an unbiased narrator, and I definitely want you to love Lori’s Hands as much as I do.

That also means I can vouch from firsthand experience that, when I was an undergrad visiting my LH client every week, I started to see my college town differently. And I’m not alone — again, here’s Maggie:

MAGGIE: One of the things that we hear really consistently from our volunteers is that they learn so much about the communities that they are living in that they had no idea beyond the, the campus bubble. And so students gain a really unique perspective about what campus looked like 50 years ago or 20 years ago, what stores were here or weren’t here, what industries have changed, what education has been like, what the roads have been, like — I mean, all these different pieces of what a community has looked like over the course of its its history.

So, just like Lori’s Hands volunteers, as you get to know these clients, you’ll also get to know Newark, Delaware.

And there are a few things you should know ahead of time if you want to pass as a Delaware local:

• Delaware was the first state. On December 7th, 1787, Delaware became the first of the original 13 colonies to ratify the US Constitution.
  • I’ll add here that Newark, DE sits on unceded Lenni-Lenape and Nanticoke land.
• Delaware is sort of an engineering mecca. The DuPont family, of DuPont chemical, have a long family history in Delaware, Gore of GoreTex is also headquartered there, and the University of Delaware’s Chemical Engineering program ranks #7 in the United States.
• That same University of Delaware, and its over 18,000 undergraduates, make Newark, Delaware undeniably a college town, with its accompanying town/gown dynamics.
• Delaware is a small state — the second-smallest, next to Rhode Island — and so meeting anyone in Delaware can feel like a game of 6 degrees of separation.
• And Delawareans also can usually tell you exactly how many degrees of separation link them to arguably the most famous Delawarean, Joe Biden.

Okay. One last, important, introduction to make. At this point, if you’re new to the Lori’s Hands community, you might be wondering — who is Lori?

Lori is Lori LaFave, who was a person who made others’ lives better in small consistent ways. Lori was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1995 and died in 2003. And it was Lori’s daughter, (my friend) Sarah who founded Lori’s Hands in her memory during Sarah’s sophomore year at the University of Delaware.

Lori’s humble, giving spirit runs through every moment of Lori’s Hands’ history:

— in its early days as a small club of college students, hoping to improve quality of life for people living around their college campus,

— in the decision to deepen Lori’s Hands’ mission into service learning,

— in the expansion to new communities and campuses,

— and in the future that Lori’s Hands now envisions: a more equitable world in which every person can age with dignity and interconnection, in their community, and in which every person’s strengths are appreciated and shared.

So, Sarah founded Lori’s Hands in part as a way to honor, and share, and kind of expand access to her mom’s generous and helpful spirit. And this series, too, is about expanding access, in a way — to the people who have made such a difference in student volunteers’ lives — who most of us might otherwise never meet. And it’s about appreciating these people — for their generosity, their strengths, and the wisdom they’ve shared.

We hope you’ll join us for this series — to get to know these clients, and Delaware too. New episodes will be released weekly on Fridays for the next four weeks. You can find episodes on Spotify, Stitcher, Apple Podcasts, and on the Lori’s Hands website — at lorishands.org

You’ll hear from a different client in each episode. Next week, in our first official installment, you’ll meet Michele Price.

MICHELE: If you talk to me longer, I’ll have a story about you when we’re finished.

Until then, take care of each other.

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S1E2: MICHELE

Welcome! To our first official episode of the Lori’s Hands Community Voices series. I’m your host, Jennifer McCord. Each week, we hear from a different client of Lori’s Hands about their life and their stories, and we think about the ways that that person’s life can teach us about health.

If you’re new here, you’re welcome to start here, since each episode can be enjoyed on its own. And, we encourage you to take a listen to our Intro episode, which gives you some background on Lori’s Hands, the organization that links all of the people you’ll hear from in this series.

This week, you’ll meet Michele Price. Michele was interviewed by Alison Jimenez and me. Alison is a student at the Erickson School of Aging Studies, which is a program at the University of Maryland Baltimore County (or UMBC). Our conversation with Michele was the very first interview we did for this series, and I’ll admit that we were a little nervous. But Michele put us completely at ease.

This, of course, was no surprise to Maggie Ratnayake, who again is the Program Director for Lori’s Hands and who you heard from in the Intro.

MAGGIE: Michele is someone who is full of life. And as you get to know Michele, you really get a sense of what it’s like to sit in her living room. She has so many stories to share, and I always love a visit to Michele because I know that I’m going to hear about the people who are important in her life, the people that she loves, her experiences; she has had such a rich and diverse life and just has so much to share.

Before we begin, I’m sad to tell you that, a few months after our interview, just before we released this series, Michele passed away. With her family’s permission, we are sharing this episode with you today, in hopes of conveying a glimmer of the warmth and spirit with which Michele lived.

With all that in mind, enjoy.

***

MICHELE: I like Arsenic and Old Lace, Bette Davis, and Joan Crawford. I love the old Perry Mason series. I like murder mysteries…

That’s Michele Price. Like everyone you’ll meet this season, Michele is a Lori’s Hands client who lives in Newark, Delaware.

MICHELE: I like Danielle Steele. I like, Nora Roberts is another one.

Michele is 67 years old, and she lives on her own, in an apartment.

MICHELE: I’m a great fan of the Knights of the Round Table.

And Michele loves a good story. Starting from way back when she was just a kid.

MICHELE: On Saturdays in my family, it was Western day. My father liked the old westerns. And on Saturday, we hurried up and did our work, cause we were watching all the western shows. Bonanza, Riflemen, Wagon Train, Have Gun Will Travel…

But Michele doesn’t just read and watch stories — she also talks in stories. Partly because she’s had the kind of life that’s so vivid and interesting and eventful that she just has a lot to share. And also because the way she thinks is wired for narrative and imagination.

Michele’s family was her first audience for this.

MICHELE: So whenever we would go on car rides or whatever, I had this fictitious family that I would tell them stories about while we were riding wherever we were going.

Michele’s real family became invested in this fictional family and would ask for updates on their story.

MICHELE: And I’d be like, “Oh, let me tell you — they’re doing this now, and the son is in the army. They went from little children to grown adults.” And this and that. Oh man, they just loved it.

Michele connected with her dad in particular about this stuff. She says that even as an adult, when it was just the two of them in the car, she would try out different voices to make him laugh.

MICHELE: And he and I were great jokesters. I’m a daddy’s girl.

Michele and her dad racked up a lot of hours in the car together. When she started working at a salon on the weekends, her dad would drive her to work every Saturday to the next town over from where they lived in Pennsylvania.

Years later, that salon experience helped Michele get a job at a beauty school, in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. She’d answered an ad in the paper about an open role for a supervisor for the cosmetology program. So she interviewed for the job, and they hired her — only, not as a supervisor. They told her they wanted to “observe her work” first.

MICHELE: And I had the credentials, so — I was there one month, and then he pushed me up, and I became the supervisor of that school.

And Michele had plans for this beauty school.

MICHELE: Not only did I teach cosmetology but I set up the program. I proposed a project and all the students were involved.

They had to contact somebody that they knew in hairdressing for more than 10 years and interview them and to write about somebody they knew that did hair.

And they had to create a hairstyle from years gone by and do their mannequins. Those styles were outrageous — they were fabulous.

Michele planned this project to culminate in February, for Black History Month. That same month, the state examiner visited, to confirm the school’s accreditation. So Michele had her students line up their mannequins all along the main hallway.

MICHELE: When the examiner came in and she saw that, she wanted to know what the project was, and I told her — Black History in Cosmetology.

Michele also held career days for her students. And by the end of Michele’s time teaching there, MIchele’s beauty school had a 98% pass rate on the state board exams for cosmetology.

This instinct Michele has — for teaching, and making everyone around her excellent — it still shows up, in her interactions with her Lori’s Hands volunteers. She’ll ask them about their interests and what they’re majoring in, and then she’ll give them ideas about projects they could do, in their field, that could improve the lives of older adults.

When we asked Michele about this quality, this skill at nurturing excellence, she was clear — it comes down through her family. Her mom, in particular, had a knack for bringing out the best in students. She worked as a tutor when Michele was young.

MICHELE: When I was a little girl, I had trouble with spelling and handwriting. So every day I had to write her what I did after school, and when she came home at night, she would read the letter.

The letters worked. And, Michele and her mom kept up the habit of writing back and forth to each other — all through Michele’s high school years, after she graduated, and up until her mom died, in 2009.

MICHELE: When she passed away, it dawned on me, I’m not gonna see her anymore, I’m not gonna be able to communicate. What am I gonna do?

Michele remembers sitting in her office a few days after her mother’s funeral.

MICHELE: And I was leaning over my computer. So bereft. We had taken a picture of my mother in the casket. And I was looking at it. And I was sitting there just boohoo crying. And then I just started typing out a note to my mother.

Michele went on to write 29 more letters to her mother, over the next month.

MICHELE: And every letter that I wrote was explaining a life lesson that I had gotten from her. And I wrote it down, and the more I did it, the freer and the less grief I felt, and I learned to accept the loss of my mother, and I began to cherish the memory and the good times that we had.

Michele eventually published this collection of letters, in a book titled Dear Mommy.

So, this thing that started out as a tutoring exercise in spelling and writing ended with Michele as a published author.

Michele casually mentioned during our interview that she’s currently working on her second book. And this is how it is, talking to Michele — her life is so interesting, that her bar for what’s surprising is higher than the average person’s.

For instance, Michele also mentioned offhand that, about 20 years ago, she spent a month in a medically unconscious state.

MICHELE: Because I had completely flatlined, and they didn’t expect me to come out of the coma. Well, we’re talking. So you know, I made it. [laughs]

And we’re not here to focus on Michele’s health, but the way Michele talks about this coma says so much about who Michele is, and about her family.

MICHELE: One day I opened my eyes, and I was in intensive care. And I saw all the machines, and I was like, “Oh, I wonder who got hurt?” and it was me.

Later on that same day she woke up, Michele’s family came to visit her.

MICHELE: And when they came to my room, it was so funny, because my family has a very warped sense of humor. Nothing is sacred, we laugh at everything. When they came to the hospital to see me, it was six of them. And they all had trachs.

She’s referencing the tracheostomy — or trach — tube — in her neck that helped her breathe during her coma.

MICHELE: They had gotten the… [laughs] They had gotten the tubing, and they had made trachs.

So, between when they got the news she’d woken up from a coma, and when they headed to the hospital to see her, Michele’s family had the presence of mind, the good humor — and the craft supplies! — to make fake trach tubes for themselves to match hers.

MICHELE: They did that so that I would not get down about having to have to wear a trach, possibly the rest of my life. And that was their way of letting me know that they’re accepting it, I had to accept it, and not to let it make a difference in who I was.

Michele’s family continued to be hugely supportive throughout her recovery. She went to live at her parent’s house after she left the hospital, and they converted a bedroom to accommodate the machine that helped her breathe.

And beyond her physical health, they supported her social life too. Four years after Michele left the hospital, her mother encouraged her to start dating again. Online dating was still kind of new at the time, so Michele was skeptical. But her mom convinced her:

MICHELE: Well, we had a long discussion about it. She said, “Anybody that you meet, God is gonna bring into your life, so it’s not like you’re violating some law. This is a service to people who really aren’t meeting anyone. You don’t go anywhere but to church and to the doctor’s –” which is true. [laughs] That was true! So I did, I, I put my name in, and…

And she matched! With her future husband, a military veteran and executive chef. They started out chatting over the phone, but things got serious quickly. Michele told us that just four months after they met in person, she knew he was the one for her.

MICHELE: It was his sense of humor, and it just tickled me. And I like the fact that I have a very smart mouth. He answered me. He stood toe to toe with me that way. And I liked it, even though I said, “Well, what?” But I did like it.

They connected on a lot of important levels.

MICHELE: And the thing that won me over is that he was a man of God, and we shared the same faith. And the way he lived his life, how strong his faith in Christ was.

And they connected on some nice-to-have levels too:

MICHELE: My husband had a voice that was out of this world. And he could sing. And [laughs] he got me — you know that movie where the actress says “You had me at hello”? Yeah — he had me at first note.

Michele says her husband grew up in a family that was pretty different from hers — more reserved. But that didn’t stop Michele’s family from welcoming him as one of their own.

MICHELE: And my family are big celebrators. When he came to our family, one of our joys was celebrating Veterans Day and Memorial Day, because he was such a hero. And he had never been celebrated. And so we celebrated him.

And Michele’s family weren’t the only ones who celebrated his military service. One year on his birthday, Michele’s husband received an important letter.

MICHELE: From President Joe Biden. In the letter, he applauded him for what he gave to the soldiers, and he looked up and saw that my husband was promoted to sergeant and was battlefield promoted. From what I understand, that’s something, you know, prestigious. And he just wished him the very best happy birthday he could.

Michele’s husband died 10 years ago, in a car accident. But their relationship, and her life, has given Michele so much wisdom, and such a grounded perspective on love. And whenever she talks about him, their partnership is still so present.

MICHELE: You don’t come together to get your other half. You come together as two equals joining your lives together. You know how they say “You’re my better half”? No,

I was whole. And so you’re coming along, I’m including you. That’s it.

Michele’s husband was the reason they moved from Pennsylvania to Delaware, where she still lives now. And she has fond memories of being in Delaware with him.

She says sometimes he would wake her up two or three in the morning, get in the car, and go for a ride to a park with a pond or a lake. They would turn on oldies music in the car, and they’d just sit there, looking at the moon shimmering on the water.

But the move to Delaware also took some adjustment.

MICHELE: But I enjoy being here the thing that I miss most, having lived in Philadelphia and now here — Delaware is not as closely knit as Philadelphia is. Philadelphia’s like a big small town. I can get a bus on any corner. I can get transportation almost anywhere. Delaware, it’s so much space, it’s not like that.

Of course, Newark, Delaware and Philadelphia are very different cities, with different demand for their public transportation. But the issue Michele is pointing to here — transportation accessibility — it has a real impact on people’s health.

The American Hospital Association estimates that each year, 3.6 million people in the United States miss out on medical care due to transportation issues. And barriers to transportation can also increase isolation — which then impacts social health and overall wellness.

When she used to get around with just a cane, Michele would tough out the bus trips to get where she was going on her own.

MICHELE: The buses are there, but they’re so few and far between and the wait is very long, and the, and the corners are lonely and cold sometimes.

Now, Michele is considered a fall-risk, and she uses a walker, so for her safety, she arranges a ride if she needs to get to the doctor’s office or pick up medication. And this is something Lori’s Hands helps out with, when they can — Michele’s student volunteers will often pick up her prescriptions for her, to save her the hassle of scheduling a trip.

But Michele knows her lack of mobility impacts her social life. She gets brochures from the veteran’s community about banquets and picnics, but she almost never attends because she can’t get there.

Talking to Michele, it’s easy to forget that she’s in any way isolated — because the way she talks about her life is so lively, and fun, and connected. Oddly, that actually might make her more lonely sometimes — because people might not realize she needs them to reach out.

MICHELE: Contrary to this telephone call, I’m not always forthcoming with how I’m feeling. It’s difficult, you have to go out and let people know your story. Sometimes I don’t mention it, because I don’t like to always say, “Oh, I’m not feeling good today.” You know?

I’m grateful Michele has the friends, family, and volunteers that she does. And I’m glad for them that they get the benefit of knowing Michele, and her stories.

MICHELE: If you talk to me longer, I’ll have a story about you when we’re finished.

***

Thank you for joining us for today’s episode of Lori’s Hands Community Voices.

You can find out more about Lori’s Hands at lorishands.org, or on social media.

Today’s episode was produced by Alison Jimenez and me, Jennifer McCord, with production assistance from Emily Karbaum. Editorial guidance from Sarah LaFave, Maggie Ratnayake, Liz Bonomo, and Tiaira Harris.

We dedicate this episode, in loving memory, to Michele Price, with immense gratitude for the generous time and energy she gave us during this project, and for everything she contributed to Lori’s Hands and to her student volunteers over her years as a client.

We invite you to tune in again next week, to meet Tom Brockenbrough.

TOM: We went to every basketball game, football game — we wouldn’t miss a one. And before the football games there’d be a parade up the mall to Old College, and there’d be cheerleaders up there in front of Old College. And we would yell and scream, you know. That was great fun.

Until next time, take care of each other.

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S1E3: Tom

Hello and welcome! To this week’s episode of the Lori’s Hands Community Voices series. I’m your host, Jennifer McCord. Each week, we hear from a different client of Lori’s Hands about their lives and stories, and we think about the ways that person’s life experience can teach us about health.

If you’re new here, we’re glad you’ve joined us! and you’re welcome to start here, since each episode can be enjoyed on its own. And, if you haven’t yet, we encourage you to take a listen to our Intro episode, which gives you some background on Lori’s Hands, the organization that links all of the people you’ll hear from in these episodes.

This week, you’ll meet Tom Brockenbrough. To make a more official introduction, here’s Maggie Ratnayake, the Program Director for Lori’s Hands.

MAGGIE: When I think of Tom, the word that comes to my mind is “genuine.” I love seeing him together with his students, because the love and care they have for one another is just so deep.

Tom was interviewed by Emily Karbaum and me. Emily is a student at the Erickson School of Aging Studies, which is a program at the University of Maryland Baltimore County (or UMBC). In our conversation, Tom talked about engineering’s role in Delaware, the relationship between the University of Delaware and the city of Newark, and his insights from a lifelong love.

Enjoy!

***

TOM: What do I enjoy doing in my free time? Well, actually, I don’t have a lot of free time. Well that’s a matter of point of view.

Meet Tom Brockenbrough. Tom turned 100 years old last summer. He lives on his own, in Newark, Delaware, in a house that’s a quick drive from the University of Delaware campus — where Tom used to teach Civil Engineering.

Tom has been retired from Engineering for years now, but he still stays up-to-date with the trade.

TOM: I um, do a lot of time reading… I read quite a number of technical publications so — primarily about steel and concrete.

And Tom still thinks like an engineer. During our interview, Emily asked Tom to walk us through his typical day. Tom has engineered his morning routine with precision.

TOM: Well, I get up about 6:30 in the morning, and the first thing I do is to have breakfast. I try to get into the kitchen before 7 o’clock, and fix my breakfast, and I’ll be through my breakfast, oh, by 7:30. And then I go to my rocking chair, looking at my newspapers for a half hour or so. And then I like to, oh, make up the bed and brush my teeth, things like that. And uh, that would be 8:30, I do my exercises.

Okay — I know that engineering is one of those professions where people assume that, if that’s your job, it’s also your whole personality. So I want to be clear — this pragmatism and precision is just one of many sides Tom has, as you’ll come to see. But engineering is kind of a big deal in Delaware: It’s one of UD’s strongest programs; several major engineering companies are headquartered in Delaware. And Tom is an engineer who used to teach at UD, so I feel lucky that we got to talk to him, since in that way, he’s the embodiment of this very Delaware thing.

And with Tom, it feels like engineering is in his genes.

He told us his dad worked in construction, which Tom reminded us is part of Civil Engineering. And Tom’s son is a structural engineer, just like Tom was.

Tom grew up in a small town in Virginia. He went to Virginia Polytechnic Institute for college, and graduated just after Pearl Harbor. So he went right to work for an aircraft manufacturer, and did structural design of aircraft until the end of WWII. Then he went to MIT for his masters, got a job at a different aircraft company, and then decided he would rather teach. He taught at V Tech for three years, and then in 1953, he took a job at the University of Delaware, to teach Civil Engineering.

TOM: For years I taught surveying, but I was primarily a structural person. So primarily I was teaching structural analysis, concrete design, steel design, bridge design, but when we need somebody to teach transportation, I taught transportation

Today, the University of Delaware has over 18,000 students. But back then, enrollment was right around 1800.

A few other things were different too.

TOM: The computers we had, if you want to use that term, were called slide rules.

I’m gonna be honest — when Tom told us this, I couldn’t even picture what a slide-rule looked like. Tom tried to help us out.

TOM: It had three parts. The middle part would slide between the two outer parts. And you could use them to multiply and divide and raise numbers to power. And uh, typically about 10-12 inches long, but pocket ones three or four inches.

Eventually the engineering department did get a computer — just one. And on one hand, a single computer, for an entire engineering program, seems like it would have been in very high demand. But Tom says, since none of their workflows depended on computers yet, you could walk up and use it anytime you wanted.

Beyond his teaching role at the university, Tom also took on roles involved with student life. For several years, Tom was the Chairman of what was called the Student Personnel Problems Committee.

TOM: When uh, students had, say, misbehaved in some way or another, they would come up before the Dean, and we would interview them and try to find out what was wrong and why.

Tom says he doesn’t remember any specific cases anymore — which is fair, this was all decades ago. I’d hoped Tom might remember a juicy story of some disciplinary hearing, but even if he did remember specifics, my guess is the story would not be one of pranks and punishment. His approach to the job was from higher ground:

TOM: We looked upon ourselves as a committee who would try to find out not only what happened, but why it had happened, and what needed to be done about it. Our effort was really to help the students along and not to punish them.

As a junior faculty member, Tom was also required to serve as a residence hall mentor. Tom was in charge of a dorm of about 90 freshman guys. And at the same time, a woman named Mary Lou was in charge of a women’s dormitory, on South Campus. And it was common for residence hall mentors to all, as Tom says it, take meals together, in the dining hall.

TOM: And uh, that’s where we got acquainted.

And, a quick note, just to set the scene of these dining hall meals that Tom and Mary Lou shared. If you were picturing cafeteria tables and clattering plastic plates — scratch that. Tom told us that back in the day, the dining halls were more like restaurants, with tablecloths and servers. But even without that more romantic atmosphere, it sounds like Tom and Mary Lou would’ve hit it off.

TOM: We fell in love quite quickly, and we knew after a week’s time that we were really made for each other.

I asked Tom how he knew so quickly.

TOM: Well, that’s an interesting question that there’s, there’s just something about people in terms of who they are, what they believe in, and what’s important to them. Oh, she was a wonderful person in every sense of the word.

Tom and Mary Lou got married just a year after they met, and spent the next 62 years together.

TOM: I could go on and on with Mary Lou, but uh… We enjoyed much together. We traveled to New York several times, and uh, San Francisco.

Oh, She was on church activities like I was. So I was on committees and she was on committees, and that was another opportunity for us to uh, work on things together, you know.

I don’t ever remember her speaking to me, or vice versa, with a raised voice. It was a very, very peace loving relationship. Just couldn’t imagine being married to any other person with the same amount of satisfaction.

Mary Lou died in 2016. Tom still lives in the house where they raised their two kids together, and where, later in life, he cared for her through her diabetes and dementia.

Emily, who is considering a career in Occupational Therapy, wondered if Tom made any changes in their home once Mary Lou got sick.

TOM: We had done such things as eliminating throw rugs, you know? And putting up grab bars so that uh, she could hold on to those.

Later on, when Mary Lou lost her vision, Tom helped feed her meals. When she could no longer go up and down stairs, Tom had a bedroom and bathroom added onto the first floor of their home. And when her doctors recommended Mary Lou move into a nursing facility, Tom chose instead to hire a full time caregiver at home, so they could still live together.

TOM: There’s an expression or by being in love, and I think that fits quite well — we were in love from the very first until the very last, and I can remember, when she had dementia, saying to her a number of times, I would say, “Mary Lou, I don’t care what you say, or what you do. I will always love you.”

And of course their love story started at the University of Delaware, where Tom has some sweet collegiate memories of their early days as well.

TOM: When we were first married, we were young. We weren’t all that much older than the students. So we went to every basketball game, football game — we wouldn’t miss a one. And before the football games there’d be a parade up the mall, and there’d be cheerleaders up there in front of Old College, and we would yell and scream, you know. It was great fun.

And as I mentioned in the intro episode, I myself am a graduate of the University of Delaware, a Blue Hen. And every Blue Hen knows about the Kissing Arches — these arches divide the North and South halves of the central campus, which, back in Tom’s day, were how campus split up the men’s dorm’s and the women’s. As the campus tour guides tell the story — everyone had to be back on their side of campus by a certain hour. So couples would walk together to these arches, in the middle, and kiss goodnight. So, as a Blue Hen and, I confess, a former tour guide, I had to ask Tom about the kissing arches. Which, in retrospect, may have been a bit forward? — I can hear myself blushing as I ask the question.

JENNIFER: There’s a story that couples would say goodbye or say goodnight at the arches, and kiss. Um. Did you and Mary Lou ever, ever do that?

TOM: Well, I’m sure that Mary Lou and I uh, displayed our affection on numerous occasions, but I don’t really remember that.

I should have known that, arches or not, Tom is far too much of a gentleman to ever kiss and tell.

TOM: I do remember though, in the, in the basement of Mitchell Hall, there was a lunchroom, and coffee was five cents a cup.

Mitchell Hall is the building right next to the kissing arches. And even adjusting for inflation, 5 cents a cup sounds like a great deal. Once again, pragmatism wins the day.

One of the reasons I was so curious about the kissing arches was that, as Emily discovered in her research before our interview, the University of Delaware started admitting women in 1951 — just two years before Tom started teaching there. So, the women Tom was teaching were some of the first to graduate from the University.

TOM: I do remember a time when the top six students in civil engineering were all women. And uh, I was proud of em.

Over the years, Tom had a lot to be proud of. He isn’t one to brag, so he didn’t even tell us this, but I found out that he eventually became a Chairman of the Civil Engineering Department, and was an Associate Dean of Engineering for 10 years. And, he was named the Delaware Engineer of the Year in 1979, by the Delaware Society of Professional Engineers.

As Tom’s career continued, he also brought his engineering knowledge to his civic life, outside of the university. He sat on the building committee for his church, and is still actively involved in his faith community. He also sat on the town building committee for the City of Newark. And this came with a front row seat to some small-town government dynamics:

TOM: All the buildings had to be fireproof. But I can remember when the university wanted to put up a parking lot. A parking lot was as fireproof as it could be. But it was a bit of a snafu there before the university was able to build a parking lot, because the city had an ordinance requiring them to make it fireproof. And I used to laugh and say well, in Newark, if you wanted to put up a water tower, a steel water tower, it had to be fireproof. Which is comical, of course.

I was curious if Tom had gotten any insight into the dynamics between the City of Newark and the University of Delaware at these meetings. From Tom’s viewpoint, the relationship between the two was mostly cooperative. But there’s no denying that being home to a major university has impacts on the health of a city, and its residents.

It impacts the type of businesses that thrive there — Tom remembers when there used to be grocery stores and hardware stores on Main St., which is now dominated by businesses that cater more to students, like restaurants and bars.

As the University has grown, the need for more student housing off campus has displaced Newark residents, which impacts social support and community health.

And there’s also the matter of education itself. We know that there is a correlation between education and positive health outcomes. Of course correlation does not prove causation, but there is research to show that, part of the equation is that factors that can lead to negative health outcomes, like poverty, also reduce access to education, which then further widens the gap in overall health.

But for the students who were lucky enough to make it into his classroom, Tom has made a lasting impression. I mentioned earlier that Tom’s son is also an engineer — he currently works at the Delaware Department of Transportation, and as it turns out, so do a lot of Tom’s former students.

TOM: I talk to him at least once a week, and never a week goes by but what he reminds me that this student or that student or the other student was asking about me.

And it’s not just his former students who keep in touch — Tom still talks with Jordana, one of his former Lori’s Hands volunteers, every few weeks:

JORDANA: He really is like, like one of my best friends. He’s a hundred, and I just love talking to him. Like, something happened with my mom a couple months back and like, he called me like ask, to like check up on her. Tom is easily one of the best people that I, like that I know.

And, Maggie says that, through the time they’ve spent together and the memories he’s shared, Tom’s volunteers became invested in his family members too.

MAGGIE: One of my favorite memories was with Tom and his two students. And they were looking at a photo album together. And as the students looked through the photo album, they were picking out childhood pictures of his children and his family members from years ago. It’s just such a testament to how these students were part of his life. And he was so genuine in sharing who he is and his history with those students, and their relationship was just so strong.

While he’s certainly left a legacy, Tom is also clear that he’s not done yet.

TOM: Do I have any current goals for myself? Oh, yes, I have a great big one. Stay healthy. Live Longer.

I shouldn’t have been surprised, at this point, that Tom would give such a practical and direct answer, but I also love that what’s underneath this simple answer is how much Tom enjoys his life, how comfortable he is with himself, and the great care he takes with everything, including his health.

It strikes me that that is one way we could define what engineering is: making complex things clear, and elegant, and doable. And that Tom has managed to do all of that, with one of the most complex things around — his life.

***

Thank you for joining us for today’s episode of Lori’s Hands Community Voices.

You can find out more about Lori’s Hands at lorishands.org, or on social media.

Today’s episode was produced by Emily Karbaum and me, Jennifer McCord, with production assistance from Alison Jimenez. Editorial guidance from Sarah LaFave, Maggie Ratnayake, and Liz Bonomo.

Special thanks again to Tom Brockenbrough for sharing his time and stories with us.

We invite you to tune in again next week, to meet Peggy Neil.

PEGGY: Sometimes I made up a little booklet that would have little sayings that would encourage you. Like if I go out and somebody helps you, say, with your wheelchair, or helps you open the door for you, or, I like to hand them and say, “Here, this is for you.”

Until next time, take care of each other.

###

Return to full list of episodes.

S1E4: Peggy

Welcome! To this week’s episode of the Lori’s Hands Community Voices series. I’m your host, Jennifer McCord. Each week, we hear from a different client of Lori’s Hands about their life and their stories, and we think about the ways that person’s life can teach us about health.

If you’re new here, you’re welcome to start here, since each episode can be enjoyed on its own. And, you might want to go back and take a listen to our Intro episode, which gives you some background on Lori’s Hands, the organization that links all of the people you’ll hear from in these episodes.

This week, you’ll meet Peggy Neil. As usual, here’s Maggie Ratnayake, the Lori’s Hands Program Director, to share a little more about Peggy:

MAGGIE: Peggy is such an altruistic and just loving person. She is always seeking how she can care for people and improve their lives, even with just the smallest acts. She is someone who just will do everything she can to better the days of the people around her.

Peggy was interviewed by Anna Favetta, who’s a student at the University of Delaware, and me. And in our conversation, Peggy shared so openly with us about her family and her childhood, and she and Anna came to find that they have quite a bit in common.

Enjoy!

***

Peggy Neil is 87 years old, retired, and lives in Brookside Park, in Delaware. And one of the first things anyone who meets her learns is that Peggy is a crafter.

PEGGY: Oh, I’ve done so many. I’ve done beads, I’ve done seashells. Sometimes I made up in a little booklet that would have little stories, little sayings that would encourage you.

There’s a lot that Peggy loves about crafting.

PEGGY: I like to touch a nice piece of satin, that’s pretty.

And like many crafters, Peggy enjoys making these crafts for other people, as gifts. But this is also where I would say Peggy’s approach differs from the norm:

PEGGY: I give em out to people. You know, like if I go out and somebody helps you, say with your wheelchair, helps you open the door for you, or — I like to hand em and say, “Here, this is for you.”

I suspect a lot of us would like to think of ourselves as generous, but Peggy is prepared, at every moment, to follow through on that intention. What’s more — these small tokens of kindness she passes out? These are just tiny drops in the deep well of Peggy’s generosity.

We’ll come back to that a little later, but it became clear to Anna and to me when we interviewed Peggy that part of her giving spirit comes from the people who raised her.

PEGGY: You never went to my grandmother’s house that you didn’t get something. People would come — we don’t have people do this these days, but in the old days when I was young, they had bums that would come around, you know? They were just vagrants that didn’t work, and they’d come around and they always knew that if they came to Dan Thomas’s door, you’d get something to eat. And they’d come and knock at the door and, especially around meal time, and granny would do up a dish, and we’d go out and sit in the porch with them and they’d eat. We, you know, I’d bring my dish out too, and we’d sit there and talk to em and… Granny– you never went to Granny’s house that you didn’t get something. She always gave you something.

Peggy’s grandparents were a major influence on her because she grew up living with them. They lived in a small town called Vintondale, in Pennsylvania. She describes it as a coal-mining town, and close-knit.

This living arrangement was one that Peggy’s mom and grandparents decided on together. When Peggy was young, her mom found work in Delaware. Peggy’s mom’s sister and brother-in-law (Peggy’s aunt and uncle) were already living in Delaware, so Peggy’s mom moved in with them.

Since Peggy’s grandparents had more time and space to take care of her, Peggy mostly stayed with them in Pennsylvania. During the school year, she lived with her grandparents, and then spent summers with her mom, aunt, and uncle in Delaware.

Being raised by her grandparents did have some challenges.

PEGGY: You know, the kids in school, a lot of them would say, “Oh, it’s so hard, they don’t understand,” you know how you say your parents don’t understand. I said, “Well you try two generations away!” You know what I mean?

It also had its perks.

I always felt lucky because I had two, you know, two mothers, like in a way.

And Peggy says she learned a lot from living with her grandpa too.

PEGGY: Oh, especially grandpap. He was very, very well educated, self educated. And he could talk a couple of languages — not fluently, but enough, because the miners down in the mines were like Hungarians, and Russian, Italians, and so he had to know some of the languages to communicate with them. He was very very intelligent, very widely-read person, you know, and he was always reading and stuff. And we had like two sets of encyclopedias at the house. And if you ask him how you know something, they’d say, “Look it up!”

Another important person in Peggy’s life is her younger sister, Patricia, or Pat. Pat is four years younger than Peggy, and at first, she lived with Peggy and her grandparents’ house too. But then, as Peggy’s grandparents aged, a young kid became a bit of a handful for them, so when Peggy was about 9 and Pat was 5, Pat moved down to Delaware to live full-time with their mom.

And this was the arrangement, all through Peggy’s high school years. Towards the end of high school, when Peggy was 17, she met another important character in her life — the man she’d later marry — Sherwood Neil.

PEGGY: He worked for my uncle in his gas station in another town. And he went into the service, and he wanted to have a pen pal. And my uncle said, “Would you want to write to Sherwood?” And that’s how I got to know him. Never met him. Never saw a picture of him or anything. And we wrote together from summertime until around Christmas time. He came home from the service on a two day furlough or something like that, and he came to see me.

This was during the Korean War, and after his service, Sherwood came home to Pennsylvania, He got a job driving a gas tanker truck for work, and he and Peggy started their family. Years later, Sherwood got laid off, but then got a lead on an opportunity with Sears & Roebuck, down in Delaware.

PEGGY: And so we packed everybody up, the four kids, and we came down for the weekend, and Sherwood went in for the job interview, and he got it. And so we had to go home and decide. That was like on a Tuesday we got home, and by Friday we had to decide whether we were going to take the job and move — so we decided that we would come down here to live.

While they were looking for a place, Peggy and her family moved in with Peggy’s sister, Pat. So, in Pat’s house at that time, there was Pat, and her husband, and their two children; Peggy, and Sherwood, and their four children; all of their furniture; Peggy’s cat, who had just had a litter of kittens; Pat’s cat, who did not get along with Peggy’s cat, and who had also just had a litter of kittens. And as cramped and chaotic as that sounds — clearly, this is a family who will always find room for each other.

Eventually, Peggy and Sherwood and the kids (and their cats) found a place of their own, and settled in. Peggy describes herself as being on the shy side by nature, and credits her kids with helping her feel like their new neighborhood was really a community.

PEGGY: And you know, you figure you have five kids, if everybody brought home a friend, you had ten kids, you know. My house was the house everybody came to, so there was always kids here, you know.

I’ve even had — my my son brought home a boy, and he wouldn’t tell us his name. He was living in the woods or something. He stayed with us for months.

This story reminds me of Peggy’s grandma, always making sure there was an extra seat, or an extra plate for whoever needed one. And this big-heartedness meant Peggy could talk to the kids in a way no other parents could.

PEGGY: I remember one time, you could tell on the street when the kids were going to start getting into a fight about something. And I could see it brewing. And since they all came to my Good News Clubs, and they were familiar with me, I went down to the street, and I called them all together. And I could see all the parents looking out the windows, you know, pulling their curtains back, yeah, “What’s she gonna do?”

And I said to em, I says, I says, “You guys all come to Good News Club?” And they said, “Yes.” And I said, “Who is the leader of the Good News Club?” And they said, “You are Mrs. Neil” I says, “No, I am not.” I says, “Jesus is the leader of our Good News Club.” I said “Do you think Jesus would want us to be fighting? He would want us to be doing good.” I says, “Just look at this street — needs cleaned up and stuff like that.”

And time we went to bed that night, the kids were all up and down the streets, even after it got dark, cleaning the streets up.

The Good News Clubs Peggy mentioned were afternoon bible study, where Peggy would illustrate bible stories for a group of about 35 kids.

Peggy still has a strong, personal faith.

PEGGY: Oh it isn’t religion, it’s, it’s a relationship with Jesus. And it’s — well, it’s, it just teaches you love.

Peggy’s faith has continued to show up throughout her life, in her love and generosity for others. For instance, in the late 1980s, after their kids were mostly grown, Sherwood’s mom got sick.

She had Parkinson’s. She was losing mobility and starting to exhibit signs of dementia. So Peggy and Sherwood moved her in with them, so they could care for her. Anna asked Peggy about this change.

ANNA: Was it hard on you?

PEGGY: No, cause I always wanted to be a nurse. And I got to be a nurse and not have any doctors breathing down my neck. [laughs]

Initially Peggy’s mother-in-law could still walk, but after her first six months with them, her mobility declined, which meant Peggy took on an even greater level of care.

PEGGY: I learned how to put her NG tube in, and how to put her catheter in. And so when we’d go in the hospital, and the nurses would say, “Now you go out of the room while we do this.” And I said, “No.” I said, “I’m not going out of the room. I have to learn how to do this. You know, I have to do this at home so I have to see how you do it, you know.”

Peggy’s husband cooked and cleaned and did laundry to help out around the house, but the bulk of the care fell to Peggy.

ANNA: What was the hardest part about it? What was the hardest thing for you?

PEGGY: The hardest part of taking care of her? Was just not being able to go anywhere. And you were there 24 hours.

ANNA: So you were like a full time nurse?

PEGGY: Yeah, yeah. But nobody else knew how to —

ANNA: Tough job.

PEGGY: Yeah. But, uh, I enjoyed her. And I loved her.

So, Peggy did this job willingly, and lovingly. But it was a lot to navigate, especially as her mother-in-law’s dementia progressed.

PEGGY: And she, she thought she was on a train all the time. And every day, she would hand me nothing, but it was money to her. And she would hand it to me, and I’d have to go out in the hallway and “pay the conductor,” on the train. And I mean, you had to do these things, you know, to appease her. And, there were times when she would holler all night sometimes. She called me Anna Mary, and Edna Mae. I don’t know who those two ladies were, but I’ve done an awful lot of their work. [laughs]

This instinct Peggy had, to just go with whatever reality her mother-in-law was in that day, rather than try to correct her — it speaks to Peggy’s deep empathy, and a handy knack she has for making heavy things feel light.

Incidentally, during the time when we interviewed Peggy, Anna was at home caring for her own mother, who had just gone through surgery.

ANNA: Right now I take care of my mom, and I’m very bad at being a nurse. Is there any advice you could give me when it comes to taking care of someone? Like what’s something I should keep in mind?

PEGGY: Well how, how detailed do you have to take care of her?

ANNA: Well, right now she can’t move at all. She can’t even get out of bed, so kinda have to do everything

PEGGY: You have to bathe — Well, that’s what grandma was, yeah.

ANNA: Yeah, we have to do everything for her right now.

PEGGY: Yeah, just make sure she’s dry real good and put lots of baby oil on. That’s good for their skins.

ANNA: I’ve been trying to tell her jokes — my dad got us a walkie talkie, and so sometimes I’ll go on the walkie talkie and tell her a knock-knock joke… [laughs] Make her laugh or something.

PEGGY: Yeah, I used to have the radio on a lot, you know, and

ANNA: yeah,

PEGGYL And we’d be giving her a bath and stuff, and and we usually had the Christian station on, and she’s like, “I never heard of anybody getting a bath in church, you know?” [laughs]

ANNA: [laughs] I, it’s just so hard for me to look at someone who’s not doing well, it just makes me my heart sad. And especially with my mom — I’m just so used to her being so independent, being able to do everything, so I think the reason —

PEGGY: Yeah, that’s hard, yeah

ANNA: Yeah! is I just get uncomfortable sometimes. Like it’s hard for me to take care of her.

PEGGY: It’s hard to be the one that’s taking care and not have– being taken care of by them.

ANNA: And I know she doesn’t want to be taken care of, you know? Like, I don’t know if you faced a similar situation with that, too, if your mother in law was extremely independent, like that?

PEGGY: Yeah, she didn’t like — you know, you’d have to bathe her and stuff, and she’d say, “I just don’t like to have to have anybody do stuff like that,” you know.

ANNA: Yeah.

PEGGY: And I said “Well, grandma,” says, “Look at all the people you took care of?” You know, all the kids — she hasd six kids, you know.

ANNA: That’s what I said to my mom, I’m like, “Mom, this is the least I can do. Like, come on. You changed my diapers.”

Another thing Anna and Peggy have in common is their bond with their sisters. These days, Peggy lives with her sister, Pat. They moved in together years ago, after each of them lost their husbands. Peggy told us it’s nice that, since they didn’t get to live together continuously as kids, they get to live together now.

ANNA: What’s your favorite part about living with her?

PEGGY: The company and we, that we do get along, you know what I mean? We understand each other when somebody says something, we understand.

ANNA: Yeah. It’s a sister thing.

PEGGY: Yeah, you know what I mean.

ANNA: I know exactly what you mean. It’s a special relationship between sisters. No one can mimic it.

Again, Pat’s younger than Peggy by four years, and Peggy describes her as more social:

PEGGY: I used to say we’d go into a room of 100 people for two hours, and I might know the person next to me, and Pat would know everybody’s name and address and everything else. [laughs]

Peggy also says that Pat is more comfortable figuring out technology and that she can still drive. In fact, Pat is a huge part of why Peggy has been able to continue to live in the house they share, rather than in an assisted living facility.

In the health sciences, this is called “aging in place.” And, it’s linked to so many positive health outcomes — like a greater sense of independence, not to mention lower risk of infectious disease transmission, as compared to long-term care facilities. Aging in place also allows people to maintain and develop social ties they already have, rather than disrupting those with a move. Social relationships are of course important for quality of life, also for longevity and cognitive health.

To support someone aging in place, some of the work that would be done by aides in a nursing home or assisted living facility instead gets picked up by friends or family members. For Peggy, Lori’s Hands is an important part of that network. Her student volunteers help her around the house, and they love spending time talking with her too.

Peggy’s family are also a part of this support network too. Her oldest son, especially, stops by often and keeps an eye out for what she needs. And Pat makes sure Peggy has a ride to her health appointments.

And at those appointments? Peggy is always prepared with gifts.

PEGGY: Usually when I go out to the doctor’s office or something like that, I’d give out one to everybody in the office, in the waiting room, you know?

ANNA: Do you just like making people happy, is that a part of who you are?

PEGGY: Oh, sure. That’s what we’re here for.

And, Peggy and Pat both find happiness and companionship with some new additions to their home — two cats.

PEGGY: And this one cat was there, and it looked just like a cat we used to have for years and years and years. Her name was Pepper. I said “Let’s get that one.” But Pepper had a sister. The two sisters had always been together. And so we bought both cats.

These cats (these sisters) make me think about the last time Peggy and Pat lived together, for a short time, in a house filled to the brim with people and kittens. I also think about how Peggy’s homes or living arrangements over the years may seem unusual — but at the same time, they worked way better for their family than the small nuclear family pod we’ve come to think of as usual. And when I think about Peggy, who made room in her home for so many people, whether they were family, or kids, or strangers, — I’m glad that she has the support that she now needs, to live in her home for as long as she can.

***

Thank you for joining us for today’s episode of Lori’s Hands Community Voices.

You can find out more about Lori’s Hands at lorishands.org, or on social media.

Today’s episode was produced by me, Jennifer McCord, and Anna Favetta, with production assistance from Alison Jimenez, and Emily Karbaum. Editorial guidance from Sarah LaFave, Maggie Ratnayake, and Liz Bonomo.

Special thanks again to Peggy Neil for sharing her time and stories with us.

We invite you to tune in next week, to meet Rose Schulte.

ROSE: I enjoyed every single day of being a nurse. There are times when it’s quite difficult, so you have to be ready for that. But I think it’s probably the most rewarding occupation you could possibly choose.

Until next time, take care of each other.

###

Return to full list of episodes

S1E5: Rose

Welcome! To our final Delaware episode of the Lori’s Hands Community Voices series. I’m your host, Jennifer McCord. Each week, we hear from a different client of Lori’s Hands about their life and their stories, and we think about how that person’s life can teach us about health.

If you’re new here, you’re welcome to start here, since each episode can be enjoyed on its own. And, we encourage you to go back and take a listen to our Intro episode, which will give you some background on Lori’s Hands, the organization that links all of the people you’ll hear from in this series.

This week, you’ll meet Rosemary, or Rose, Schulte. When I spoke with Maggie Ratnayake, the Lori’s Hands Program Director, before this series started, she recalled some of her first impressions of Rose. Here’s Maggie:

MAGGIE: Rose is such a beautiful person, and she is full of so much creativity and energy and determination. The first time I met Rose, she showed me all of the watercolor paintings that she was doing, and she was painting them with education from YouTube. And it was such a, a phenomenal experience in breaking down stereotypes that an older adult may not try something new or gain a new skill, and certainly not from YouTube. Rose is just such a warm person. You see that just by the circle that she develops of friends — people are just drawn to Rose because she’s such a warm person.

For our final episode of the Delaware season, we are thrilled to share Rose’s stories with you. Enjoy!

***

Rose Schulte currently lives in an assisted living facility in Hockessin, Delaware, and this summer, she will turn 92 years old. And Rose has found that with her age comes an underrated perk.

ROSE: it’s really just strange to be this old — I’m like the last man standing in my family. So I was telling the kids, I said, “You know, the good thing is that I can say anything — I can just elaborate or make up anything. And nobody’s there, nobody’s there to confirm or deny. [laughs]

In fact, during our first conversation, Rose joked that this interview might be an ideal time to stretch the truth on a few things.

ROSE: My kids were — I was telling them that that you were going to interview me today, and they told me — one of them says, “Oh, make up, a lot of stuff. Tell em you did all kinds of things. You know, tell em how, about all the famous people that you knew and everything.”

JENNIFER: Yes, right, well we didn’t get to that chapter, you know, of you and Madonna.

ROSE: Right! [laughs]

Rose did not tell me any tall tales about any famous people. But she has had a pretty remarkable life.

Rose spent most of her childhood in Alexandria, Virginia. She grew up going to Catholic school there, and while the Catholic school stereotype might be stern, frowning nuns — Rose remembers them differently.

ROSE: They were just, they were just so kind and happy.

For a while, Rose even thought she might follow in their footsteps.

ROSE: Cause I was very much impressed with them. And also, I liked the way they had all those robes on, and then they could eat as much as they wanted, cause it covered all the fat. And I was talking to em about it, I told em that was one of the reasons I was thinking of it, and they said, “You know what, I don’t think you really have a vocation.”

Rose agrees the nuns had a point. So she listened for her calling elsewhere — and she found it, in nursing. She went to nursing school, graduated, and took her first nursing job working at Georgetown Hospital.

ROSE: I always said I was kind of like a classmate of Florence Nightingale. I’m way back. I go way back.

It wasn’t quite that far back — it was 1951. But certainly some things were different.

ROSE: We used to have to boil up all of the syringes and needles every time. And you had to take them apart, take the — they were numbered, you know, so that you could find the numbers and put them together again. They didn’t have their own bedpans; there was only one bedpan for several patients. So that would have to be sanitized in between. You know there were things like that that were just loads and loads of work.

When Rose first started at Georgetown Hospital, she had her heart set on making her way into Pediatrics, but Georgetown had other plans for her.

ROSE: So I was a brand new fresh nurse, and uh, they wanted to make me head nurse in two weeks. After just meeting the nurses that were there, and hearing, you know, they were talking about “Oh, who’s going to be head nurse, who’s it going to be,” and they already had one picked out who had been there for like 20 years. She knew everything. And uh, here comes this young whippersnapper. [laughs] You know, how would that go? Can you imagine? Can you imagine how that– horrible that would be for that for? Oh my gosh.

So I told em no, I said I would absolutely not, not do that. I said it just wouldn’t work — no. So they said, “Okay, well, actually, we need somebody on the faculty, too, to teach.” So I don’t know, that was even more horrible, but I did it, and I took that job for teaching.

Rose still remembers her first day of teaching.

ROSE: Everybody had to get up and explain, you know, what they were gonna– think I was teaching nursing arts or something; I don’t remember now, exactly. But I got up in front of the students, and in 20 minutes, I told them everything I knew. I didn’t have any more to say! And I remember just standing there and I thought — I could feel the sweat coming down. And fortunately, the other faculty members realized that, you know, I needed some help, so they filled in. But, from then on, that’s how it was, and I was one paragraph or two ahead and students.

Even though teaching wasn’t part of her master plan to get to Pediatrics, Rose says she came to love it.

ROSE: I love the fact that teaching nurses was the best thing you could do. They’re the ones that so wanted to learn absolutely everything. You know, they were there to learn, and they wanted to learn. They weren’t bored with it; it was interesting; everything was new and fascinating. And it was, it was easy to teach them.

But nursing wasn’t for everyone. Rose remembers one student in particular whom she met a few years into her teaching career.

ROSE: On the very first day of the clinical, we were making rounds, and she unfortunately had been assigned an incontinent patient — it was her first patient. And she came out in the hall crying, and I said, “What’s the matter?” And she said, “You know what? This whole thing isn’t like General Hospital, and I thought it would be. I thought there’d be some cute interns around. I had no idea that we’d have to do this kind of work.” And I said, “Well, you know what? Think about it for a while — maybe this isn’t the maybe this isn’t for you.” It was her first clinical day. She says, “Definitely not for me.”

Another one of Rose’s roles while she was at Georgetown was running a home healthcare program that the hospital was just getting up and running. It was designed for terminal patients.

ROSE: And uh, rather than be in hospital, they wanted to be at home. But they still needed everything that was available in a hospital.

To qualify for the program, patients had to have someone else at home who could help them with non-medical things, and then Rose and a small team would drive around to administer pain medication and any other medical care.

This program was completely free to the patients, and Rose says the continuity let her develop deeper relationships with patients than she could in the hospital:

ROSE: We checked in with them every day, actually. You got to know them very well.

One other highlight of Rose’s time at Georgetown? It’s where she met her husband, Joe Schulte. Then, when Joe got an internship at Madison General Hospital, Rose went with him to Wisconsin, and later onto Albany New York, and then to Baltimore, Maryland. And through each of those moves, Rose would ask about opportunities in pediatrics.

ROSE: But somehow every time I tried I, I got thwarted and sent another way, and I never got it. So that’s, maybe that’s why I had six kids.

Rose and Joe had five boys and one girl.

ROSE: I always said, even if you had one child, you were 100% busy, so you might as well have six — you can’t be more than 100% busy. And they, they would help each other, amuse each other.

Rose and Joe raised their kids in Baltimore. They had a house with a big yard, and so all the neighborhood kids would come over and play.

Rose was able to squeeze in some moments for her own favorite hobby during these years too.

ROSE: When we first just had maybe three children, and we lived in this little tiny, tiny house, I painted the walls of the utility room where the washer and dryer were. I painted a mountain scene over the whole walls, just because I didn’t– we didn’t have enough money, really, to buy canvases and things, and I just thought that would be fun to do. It isn’t good. I don’t paint well, I just like to paint. [laughs

And Rose’s fondest memories of raising her kids are the ones they made together, during summers at their beach house.

ROSE: It’s an old, old, old house. It’s over 100 years old. A neat house, though. It has a lot. It has a lot of room for a lot of people. The whole family comes usually. I mean, we did, when the kids were little, or were young.

When the first one was 16, he got to live there for the summer. Get a job, you know, and got on the bike and got to work every day. And we’d come every weekend, and you know, make sure everything was good. And then as then as each one turned 16, they would go and live there.

So it kind of bonded the kids together too. And that made them very close together, because they kind of leaned on each other. If their job wasn’t going well, they’d let em know, and didn’t necessarily tell us, but tell each other. And uh, it was that was the greatest part of our lives, I think, that beach, every weekend in the summer.

The word Rose uses more than any other to describe raising her family is “fun.”

But just like anyone, Rose has had her share of loss, too. Years ago, she and Joe lost their oldest son to cancer. And, in 2013, Rose lost Joe.

He had had surgery on his leg after a fall, and then, seven years after that surgery, the bone became infected. So he had another surgery to remove the infection, but that led to more complications. Rose says he went in for the operation in July of that year and didn’t leave the hospital until September, when he was moved to hospice care.

And at the end, even his mind was starting to go, but true to form, Rose’s sense of humor was never entirely out of reach:

ROSE: Matter of fact, when I, when I said to him, I said, “I’m going to miss you so much.” And he goes, “Why, where are you going?” As he’s dying. And it was so disarming, but we all had to laugh. I can still hear that, like “Where you going?”

Joe died two weeks after he moved to hospice.

A couple of months after that, Rose made the move from Baltimore to Newark, Delaware. Which, on one hand, sounds like a lot of loss and change at once. But Rose has a more practical view:

ROSE: You know, it was by myself in that great big house, or by myself in a small apartment.

Another major point for Delaware is that two of Rose’s children live there too. But as clear-eyed as Rose was about making the move, it was still a tough transition.

ROSE: I had never ever ever in my whole life lived alone. And living alone was, was probably that was probably the biggest heartache for me. You’d feel like, oh, my goodness, why am I bothering to decorate this? I’m only here by myself. And, you know, it was a funny feeling to be alone.

But little by little, Rose made Delaware home. She made fast friends with a few women from her church. And, although most of the people in her building were University of Delaware students, she got acquainted with a couple who lived on her hall, who had moved from Saudi Arabia.

ROSE: They uh, had a baby, and they called me the American grandmother of the baby. [laughs]

She was also able to get out and enjoy some of the wonders of the state once nicknamed “The Small Wonder.” Her favorite place to visit — which is technically just over the border in Pennsylvania — is Longwood Gardens.

ROSE: Oh my goodness. It’s– it’s gorgeous. It’s, just– you can walk through the gardens. I happened to be there when they were having an orchid festival, and everything– there were just orchids of every description, every color. Oh my gosh, they were just absolutely beautiful. It’s so peaceful and it’s like you’re walking in a wonderland when you go through.

JENNIFER: Did it make you want to paint?

ROSE: Oh, it did. It really did. It did give you that feeling, that oh my gosh, you’d love to paint these. Just like to sit here and draw them. Mm.

Another thing that brightened Rose’s move to Delaware was Lori’s Hands. And I promise she shared this without any prompting from me. She got connected with Lori’s Hands a few months after she moved to Delaware, right as she was becoming a little less independent.

ROSE: They were just, they were just a breath of fresh air. They were you know, so bright and friendly, and so helpful. You know, they’d go to the store for you really quickly, go get my prescriptions filled, and go pick up my mail. And then they would sit down and talk — they’d love to talk.

Rose and one volunteer bonded over a shared appreciation for art — including Rose’s art.

ROSE: And she was so thrilled with my pictures, she hung them up all over her dorm at Delaware.

That same volunteer, Kelly, is now in her first year of medical school. And Rose’s paintings moved with Kelly, from her dorm room to her apartment.

Many Lori’s Hands volunteers are, like Kelly, bio majors, or nursing students or studying to go into some area of healthcare. Rose says she’s talked a lot with her volunteers about her days in nursing, and she has clear advice for anyone hoping to become a nurse.

ROSE: I enjoyed every single day of being a nurse. I loved making people feel a little bit better, or understanding how they felt, too, and helping them through a very difficult time in their life. I think that when you volunteer, or when you do anything for anybody, you get more out of it than the one you’re giving it to. It’s difficult, there are times when it’s quite difficult. You have to see somebody die in front of you, and you have gotten to know them well, that’s hard. So you have to be ready for that. But I think it’s probably the most rewarding occupation you could possibly choose. That’s my opinion.

Rose’s compassion for the people she served as a nurse, and her natural ability to be present with people, have stuck with Kelly as she trains to go into medicine.

KELLY: One of our classes, um, was on taking a medical history. And, um, we’re supposed to frame it as like having a conversation, even though we’re given basically a checklist with a bunch of questions on it. Going through those questions and trying to have a conversation with that patient, I think about how easy it was with Rose and you know, how how it ends up, it ends up being just a conversation. She just made me want to go into healthcare to help people, and get to know them, so I can help them.

A few years ago, Rose moved into a long term care facility — and that’s where most of her functional support comes from now. And when the pandemic hit, all Lori’s Hands visits shifted to phone calls, for everyone’s health and safety. But Rose credits Lori’s Hands with helping her stay in her apartment for as long as she did. And she says her volunteers were a big help when it came time for her to move into the facility where she lives now.

Unsurprisingly, this move was another transition that Rose weathered with grace. Her close friends from church still get together.

ROSE: They’d all come here, cause I couldn’t get out, for birthdays and for lunch or something. There were like, maybe eight or ten of them. And we had such a good time. We would giggle through the world.

She and her kids and family have a standing FaceTime call at 5pm every day to, as Rose says it, “gather and report” on whatever is going on in their lives.

And, she finds plenty of time to paint.

Living in a care facility has also made Rose reflect back on her time as a nurse.

ROSE: And it all came back to me, you know, all the people that we used to take care of, and all of a sudden, I’m them. [laughs]

JENNIFER: Well, did it– Yeah, did it sort of make you think differently about any of the, I dunno like, the bedside manner you had?

ROSE: Yeah, it did, it really did. It made you feel like, “Oh, my gosh, I hope I was nice to everybody as they are to me here.”

JENNIFER: What do you wish people in general knew about what it’s like to live with chronic illness?

ROSE: I think you’d want them to know that um, inside, they still feel as young as they are. Even though you have all these disabilities, your heart and your mind is still, stays young.

I left my interviews with Rose feeling both clearer about and warmer towards the world.

I’m struck by how many of Rose’s defining qualities are what’s at the heart of Lori’s Hands — from her drive to be of service, to her enthusiastic appetite for learning, to her buoyant yet practical attitude. And I’m struck most of all, through these interviews and her conversations with her volunteers, by Rose’s candor in sharing not just the stories from her life, but what she’s learned from those stories too.

***

Thank you for joining us for today’s episode of Lori’s Hands Community Voices, and for coming along with us through this series. We hope you’ve enjoyed the time you’ve spent with these clients.

If you’re feeling a little down that you won’t have another episode to listen to and another client to hear from next week — I’m with you. And, there are so many ways you can stay connected with Lori’s Hands from here. To give you a better sense of what that might look like, once more, here’s Maggie:

MAGGIE: So I hope that listeners of this series will be inspired to have conversations with people they may not have otherwise had conversations with. Learn about someone’s history, learn about the community in which they live.

I hope that if there are older adults listening, that they will seek out opportunities to have conversations with younger people. And the same– that younger people will seek out opportunities to have conversations with older people and learn about all that they have to offer, and benefit one another.

If someone is a college student, I would love for them to join Lori’s Hands, to have this experience firsthand, to join the work that we are doing.

If there are community members who want to be a part of our work, to join Lori’s Hands as a client to share their experiences.

If it’s someone who’s in a different community but is inspired by the work that we’re doing, reach out to us and see if we could bring Lori’s hands to your community, so that we could continue to foster more of these relationships, and create a larger impact helping people both live independently, and also gain insight into the human experience of chronic illness.

If any of what Maggie just shared rings true for you, please reach out! You can get in touch with Lori’s Hands by visiting lorishands.org, by emailing contact@lorishands.org, or on social media.

Today’s episode was produced by me, Jennifer McCord, with production assistance from Alison Jimenez and Emily Karbaum. Editorial guidance from: Sarah LaFave, Maggie Ratnayake, and Liz Bonomo.

Special thanks again to Rose Schulte, and to all the clients we spoke to for this project, for sharing their time and stories with us.

And while this episode concludes our first season of Lori’s Hands Community Voices, we’ll be back, later this year, to learn from Lori’s Hands clients living in Baltimore, Maryland.

Until then, take care of each other.

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S2E1: INTRODUCTION – BALTIMORE, MD

Welcome! To a brand new season of Lori’s Hands Community Voices. And to those of you who joined us last season – welcome back. 

Each week on this series, we’ll hear from different clients of Lori’s Hands about their lives, their stories, and their community. This season, we’ll hear from five new clients, all from Lori’s Hands’ newest chapter, in Baltimore, Maryland.

If you’ve been with us since Season One, or if you found your way here on a recommendation from a friend, you probably already have a sense of what Lori’s Hands does. And, if you’re new to Lori’s Hands, we’re delighted to have you too! Here’s some quick background to catch you up: 

Lori’s Hands is a nonprofit organization. But more specifically, it’s a community health service learning organization. 

The people who benefit from Lori’s Hands fall into two main groups: 

#1. college students, and 

#2. people experiencing chronic illness, who live in or around that college community. 

Lori’s Hands connects these two groups. The organization trains college students to make weekly visits to community members living with chronic illnesses. Students help with day-to-day tasks like cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry – the kinds of things that can get a lot harder when you’re managing a chronic illness. And during these visits, clients educate students about the human experience of chronic disease.

Lori’s Hands expanded to Baltimore in the fall of 2020. So on top of all the usual surprises and hurdles that come with starting a new chapter of any organization, Lori’s Hands Baltimore had the bonus challenge of getting up and running in the midst of a pandemic. 

TIAIRA: It’s been challenging, but it’s also been really rewarding because of how creative we’ve had to be.

That’s Tiaira Harris, the Senior Program Mgr for the LH Baltimore chapter. For Tiaira, building relationships with LH clients during this uncertain time, has only deepened her respect for them: 

TIAIRA: They don’t sit around waiting for help or handouts. They figure out what the city is providing for them or what the city should be providing for them, and they go get it and they find what they need. I mean, they advocate for themselves.

But even with resilient clients and committed students – it was still a pandemic. Tiaira and the Baltimore chapter had to adapt – with virtual volunteer trainings, client visits over the phone, and support for everyone who was getting used to new technologies. 

TIAIRA: And even though we were virtual, we still got to keep the same integrity of the mission of Lori’s Hands. 

Part of upholding that integrity was building trust with the clients Lori’s Hands serves in Baltimore. 

TIAIRA: I want for the community to count on us. And I want other people in Baltimore, especially the clients, to feel like, you know, we showed up for them.

And for Tiaira, another part of upholding the integrity of this chapter is upholding her personal commitment to her hometown. 

TIAIRA: Well, my history starts in Baltimore. I was born and raised in Baltimore and West Baltimore, in fact. I have such a dedication to this city. I like to call myself a daughter of Baltimore. You can hear it in the way I talk, you can taste it in the food that I make. It just really informs a lot of the things about me. And I just want what’s best for the city. I work every day to make sure that I do something to nurture the city that has just given me so much life. 

Hearing Tiaira talk about her relationship with Baltimore, and how it’s influenced her, it makes me think about the relationships between LH volunteers and their clients. How it’s always a back-and-forth, and how both sides are better for it. 

This dynamic is actually one of the core values of Lori’s Hands – Reciprocity. And it’s one of the things that stood out to Tiaira about the Delaware chapter. 

TIAIRA: I want the students and the clients, I want them to have those long lasting genuine friendships. I already see it happening. And I just wanted to happen more. I think intergenerational relationships are really beautiful things we can learn from each other. And so I want more of that.

And in order to build more intergenerational relationships, Tiaira has laid a thoughtful, inclusive  foundation. 

TIAIRA: It was very, very important for me to be intentional about recruiting volunteers and clients that reflect the people in this city. And so that looks like partnerships with HBCUs here, like our Community College community here. I also wanted to tap in with LGBT elders. So it works for us in the respect that we can pick from all over the city and have a lot of diverse backgrounds that really reflects the diverse backgrounds of the people here in Baltimore.

So in this season, you’ll hear from clients from all over Baltimore. And you’ll hear about the city that they reflect. 

TIAIRA: Honestly, I feel like the older generation in this city is the city’s pulse. They know the history, they saw what Baltimore looked like in a time before any of us could, so they have the history. So they’re historians in a sense, but they’re also great storytellers.

 And to give you just a small taste of what you’ll learn about Baltimore, Charm City, the Greatest City in America; here are the three words that come to mind when Tiaira thinks about Baltimore: 

TIAIRA: First, obviously, it will be home. 

Second, I think that I will use the word revolution. Baltimore has been a home base to so many different revolutions, so much fighting for what we deserve. So I just think the resilience and the grit to just, you know, demand, what’s ours. And even though sometimes we don’t get it, we still try to, so I would say, revolution or revolutionary rather. 

And then finally, I have to bring it back to food – crabs.

While we absolutely could have filled a whole series talking about the rich history of Baltimore – and what makes a good crab cake – most of what you’ll hear from these clients is about their own lives. 

Because while Lori’s Hands’ work is rooted in health, part of community health includes appreciating who people are as individuals. And so the series, too, is about celebrating these Lori’s Hands clients for their generosity, and sharing their lived expertise. 

And it takes some guts for anyone to share their life story on mic. But Tiaira has some more context on why this season – and the five extraordinary Black women who agreed to be part of it – are so special.

TIAIRA: The oral tradition is one that is ingrained in black culture. So I think that it’s important for folks to come in and recognize that it’s like, essentially you’re you’re about to talk to grios – you’re listening to grills. Rather. Grio is a storyteller. They’re a traveling poet or musician, and it’s a tradition of oral history that comes from West Africa. 

And I feel like these people are the grios – they are telling their stories and you get fascinated by and you get wrapped up in it. What you are going to listen to is a little bit of history. Somebody is going to sit down and give you a small piece of their history. And then we can in turn learn about ourselves. 

Episodes will air every Thursday for the next five weeks. First up, you’ll meet Rosetta Pearson: 

ROSETTA: I’m a Leo woman. I’m not one that do a lot of hugging and whatever like that. Under a Leo sign as they say – I don’t believe in the signs because they say, “What sign are you?” I say, “I’m under the sun but God,” you know. But as they say, a Leo is a strong willed person. But love deeply. And that’s what I know myself as being, a Leo woman. Strong. Because life makes you strong.

Until next time, take care of each other. 

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S2E2: ROSETTA

ROSETTA: I’m a Leo woman. I’m not one that do a lot of hugging and whatever like that. Under a Leo sign, as they say – I don’t believe in the signs because they say, “What sign are you? I say I’m under the sun but God,” you know. But as they say, a Leo is a strong willed person, but love deeply. And that’s what I know myself as being – a Leo woman. Strong, because life makes you strong.

Hello and welcome! To Season Two of Lori’s Hands Community Voices. I’m your host, Jennifer McCord. 

This season, we’ll hear from clients of Lori’s Hands’s newest chapter, in Baltimore, Maryland. 

Each week, we’ll hear from a different client about their life, their stories, and their community. 

If you’re new here, you’re welcome to start here, since each episode can be enjoyed on its own. And, if you’re new to Lori’s Hands, you might want to head back and take a listen to our intro episode from Season One, which gives you some background on the organization that links all of the people you’ll hear from in this series. 

This week, you’ll meet Rosetta Pearson. I interviewed Rosetta with the help of Charlene Myers, a student at the University of Maryland Baltimore County, or UMBC. At the time, Charlene was also volunteering for Rosetta through Lori’s Hands, and the two of them were fast friends. 

Here’s Charlene: 

CHARLENE: You know she’s she’s truly amazing with her words, and she’s so encouraging. So even from day one, we had set up a connection you know it was like this this is my confirmation we were absolutely meant to pair up, you know. And I told her, I’m not even call you my client – you are my friend. Like she said, she feel as though she’s known me forever, and that’s a good feeling.

Enjoy! 

ROSETTA: My name is Rosetta Pearson, and I’m a Baltimorean. I’m 67, I’ll be 68 August 21 – Charlene, I need a card! 

I live in the East Baltimore area, been in the East Baltimore area practically all my life. If I was going to take y’all one on a tour, number one, I’ll take you down, keep on down and show you Broadway. As you go down across Broadway, you will see where they built up brand new townhouses and stuff. I’ll take you to Boston street. You have all your outlets, your stores, and everything you have – Oh beautiful spot down there where you go down there and feed the ducks. Further down, you could catch a paddle boat – used to be now I don’t know if they’re still doing it – a paddle boat over to the Science Center. And even down over at Pratt street, oh my god – Little Italy. Oh, come on. You ever eaten at Little Italy? Come on. But that said, you keep on down Pratt Street, that’s where you’ll run into the Inner Harbor.

Baltimore is so enriched especially East Baltimore, because like I said, they’re building it up. Because, by me living here all my life, I mean, come out my house and they built a, made a brand new street I didn’t even know about. You know I’m like good God, when did, where did this street come from? But it’s so much – I say in about 10 to 15 years, this place you won’t be able to, afford to be able to move into it.

My daughter was going into high school when I moved into this home I’m in. But I had a townhouse before I moved in, and I had the opportunity that I could move into the East Baltimore area, and it was a new development coming up. And I said okay. I got me a house here, and I was proud because I was a house owner. I go out and I talk to everybody, new neighbors, I welcome them and whatever like that, I tell em. Everybody knows me. Usually. If not, I make myself known. And if it’s a problem or whatever and I can help you – I’m there. 

Rosetta remembers the first house she grew up in, too – with her aunt and uncle. 

ROSETTA: My aunt raised me. And she was about 400 pounds. My uncle was like a string bean. I called them Mom and Dad. They raised me. She taught me how to cook and do things and stand up for myself. Oh my god. She was beautiful. She was just a caring, beautiful woman. She would – oh I can, I can see her. I can see her face. She used to have the waves up in her hair. She had pretty, long hair that came down her back. She had the waves at the top of her head and had this great big bun on the back of her head. She’d go to the beauty parlor and everything. And she’d get up early in the morning, put on makeup. She never was without makeup. And you know what? And when I came up, I would never go out without my makeup. Oh my god. Well, back in the day I was, Oh girl, I was terrible. When I think about how I was back in the day, I was fabulous. But God don’t like you to be vain. But hey, it is what it is. 

And the food – her food was unbelievable. I liked when my aunt would show me how to cook. And on Christmas, we’d have all the festivities – that’s why I can, I can cook. I used to watch her and did, she’d make chocolate cake and whatever, and lick the bowl. I always got the chocolate bowl, you know? Hoo, and her macaroni and cheese! Girl, I can make some macaroni and cheese that make you smack somebody.

When she was a teenager, Rosetta moved in with her biological mom and dad, and her siblings. And it was a big change. 

ROSETTA: I hated being ripped away from my aunt’s house and my uncle. I don’t know, It’s like a bittersweet little taste in my mouth when I talk on that, because it’s like, okay, you know – I need you to wash the clothes. I need you to fix the bed. I need you to clean the house. I need you to do this. And I need you to do that. I need you to watch your brothers and sisters. It’s like I was taking on a role, and I was like, these ain’t my kids. They’re my brothers and sisters. you know. 

I wasn’t the baby no more. I was the big sister. And I didn’t like that. I like being the baby. Being cuddled and stuff like that. Nurtured. And my grades were so good, you know, when I was with my aunt and uncle, because I was free, I was free to think. And I knew I was loved. 

So it was never a link, a tight link between – I respected my biological mother, but I loved my aunt. Loretta. Mama, to me. 

Rosetta had help looking after her younger siblings from her older brother. But things changed when they were in high school.

ROSETTA: My older brother, he was something. He was trying to boss me. But what happened – one day he was playing ball. And he was playing ball and sweating, and he went up on top of a roof to retrieve the ball because the ball went up on top of the roof and everything. And the wires – the house was supposed to be abandoned – and the wires electrocuted his head, and he fell off the building. And they took him to the hospital, and he died. That was the first, that was the first downfall, the first death that I had really, really experienced.

Sadly, that wasn’t Rosetta’s only loss during her childhood. While she lived with her Aunt and Uncle, Rosetta had made friends with a girl in her neighborhood who was deaf. 

ROSETTA: And me and her used to ride our bikes together. And she would teach me sign language. She was the sweetest little – I remember her. We used to spend time together because she couldn’t hear the cars and things. I would hold my hand and so she would stop and different things like that. She liked riding the bike and stuff. 

And then what happened, I came home one Friday – I was able to come home, I was so happy – and my aunt sat me down. And the way that – they didn’t blot out things to me, because I was kind of like a sensitive child, and they knew I was in a delicate state. She told me, she said that she wouldn’t be around anymore. And I was like, “Why did she move away?” Or whatever because I was ready, you know, after I did my, my homework and everything, I could get my bike and we’d go out riding, you know, and I always looked for her. Well, instead of going outside to get my bike and get my bike in all, I had to go down to the funeral home. My aunt took me down there. And a car had hit her and killed her. Then I was saying to myself, I felt so bad, “If I was here, maybe this wouldn’t have happened to her.” But oh my God. You talk about burdens on a young girl’s shoulders. 

Even with so much on her shoulders, Rosetta graduated high school. She went to Bay College and then got a job doing Data Processing. 

ROSETTA: And I found that that wasn’t for me, because I’m a people person. I’m not a person that want to sit in an office. So I didn’t like it. 

She also got married and had a daughter. 

ROSETTA: I was right out of high school when I got married to my first husband. And why, I just, I don’t know. Maybe it was something to do. My daughter just hates it when I say that, but I wasn’t that madly overwhelmed with him, you know. It was like, oh well, it’s something to do. But my second marriage – now, that’s what I call a marriage.

Rosetta’s first husband died from a heart attack when their daughter was in middle school. And it would still be years until she met her second husband, Charles. And she remembers this as a hard time, raising her daughter and working full-time as a h ome health aide. But Rosetta got through it the way she gets through anything – with love, and with her faith. 

ROSETTA: I believe in God. I believe in the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost. I believe in praying. And first, before I do anything, I believe in asking God, is it the right move I’m making. 

I was out on my own after my husband died a long time raising my daughter. I didn’t have no time to make no mistakes. And not only that, my greatest fear was, if something would happen, like if I bought the wrong person in my life, and they would bother my daughter, and cripple her for life. Not – I’m talking but not physically, but cripple her mentally. 

I raised her, I worked 16 hours a day, seven days a week. That’s what I worked raising my daughter. And she was strong. I used to say, as long as we stay together, we are unbeatable.

I prayed and asked God – because I’m Leo woman, I need a man ain’t ever been married and don’t have no children. I said I want me a good guy. I have never been the party type of person, or drinking and carousing, cussing and fussing, all that. I don’t believe in that, I didn’t raise my daughter around that. 

So what happened, I was, I was sitting on my steps. We sit there and I would talk with, talk to all the neighbors and stuff. So any case, I was sitting there, and the guy came across the street,  Charles came across, and I was like, hm. So he said, “Oh, I just want to introduce myself. I’m I’m Charles.” I said, “Oh okay, nice meeting you.” You know, like I said, I would talk to anybody. 

So any case, one day, he rang my bell and said, “Hey, how you doing? I just stopped because I was in the neighborhood to holler at you.” I said he sure is being persistent. I’m kind of tired, don’t he know I gotta fix dinner and stuff. I got a long day. But I mean, I spoke and stood in the door and talked to him for a while. And I said, “Well, I’ll talk to you later.” He said, “No, I wanted to ask you, maybe if you’re not doing anything such and such a day, would you like to go to the movies?” I said ain’t been to the movies in a long time…I said, “That almost sounds like a plan. But maybe what I gotta do, I gotta give you an answer later.” I didn’t want to seem like I was hard up. I hadn’t had a dat in so long, I was like, hm, I almost forgot what to say. 

And I told my neighbor next to me, Leon’s wife, Vanessa – I said, “You see him?” I said, “Girl, I done made up my mind. He’s gonna be my husband.” I said “He’s the one that I’ve been praying for.” 

So any case, his job had sent him to California. So while he was in California, I ain’t know I really could miss him, you know? So you know, I was like, maybe he is the one. I mean, I was slouching around and stuff like that, because I Was so used to talking to him on the phone and stuff like that. 

Well any case, the phone rang, and it was him. I said, “Oh my god, I was wondering.” And he was telling me he said, “Oh, when I come home, I really, we really got to talk.” He said, “Because you know what? While I was out here, it’s like, the ground shook and stuff.” He said “I never felt nothing like that.” He said, “I didn’t know what to do.” I said, “Well, God got you. He didn’t take you all that far to have you crash up in an earthquake or something like that.” I said don’t worry about it. He said, “I can’t wait to get on that plane to get home.” 

So when he came home, I was at my job and everything. Girl, he came in there, and I was like, Oh, you look pretty good. I mean, so you ain’t no worse for wear, you know, or whatever. He got down on one knee. I said he must have been rehearsing that. He got down on one knee, and what he did, he opened up this box and he said, “I want to know, will you marry me?” 

I looked at him and I looked at that ring. I said, “Where’d you get that from, the crackerjack box?” Oh my god. It was a pear shaped diamond. It was real, because you know I went and got that thing looked at to see if it was real. And I told him, I said, “Yeah, we could get married. Yeah, I’ll marry you.” He said, “Cause you know what?” I said, “Well what do you want to marry me for? You got these women right behind you and stuff like that.” He said, “I’m not looking for just women, a woman, I’m looking for a wife. And I’m getting married one time, and that’s for life.” 

And we got married, we went right down – I said I don’t want no big hoo-ha not my mother, nobody. It was him, and myself, and a friend of mine. And I still got the picture. A woman judge married us. And that was that. 

It was wonderful. It was, I’m telling you, let me tell you one thing. I’m a Leo woman. I’m not one that do a lot of hugging and whatever like that. Even though I’ll do things for you to show that I care. He doesn’t mind showing his affection. He’ll say, “Come over, I need a hug,” you know, or something like that, you know. And I’m like, “Aw man, please.” And he says, “No, I really need a hug.” You know. I said, “Okay.” And he was just, that’s what had me to him. We was opposites. And he knew how to soften me, you know. Because when you, when you have gone through the nuts, just the ups and downs and working hard or whatever, sometimes you don’t have time to just stop and stop and say, “Oh, well, let me cushion myself. Let me pamper myself, let me do this, let me do that.” He taught me how to love me. And he taught me how to take time for me.

God is gonna send good people in my life because all my life, as I can remember from 14, because my mother was a private duty nurse, that it’s taking care of people. I give so much. And it’s so hard for me to accept for somebody to do for me. See when you are a giver, and you keep giving and giving – see I was a foster mother too. Yeah, I was a foster mother. Lord I tell you, and I had boys. But it was a joy of me taking care and seeing something prosper and grow.

Rosetta worked as a home health aide for many years, while she and Charles had a son, and then fostered, and then adopted, two more boys. Then, while she was raising her kids, Rosetta took a role with the Archdiocese of Baltimore – she worked as a counselor for people living with disabilities. 

ROSETTA: My place was to prepare them for independent living. You know, everything that you would do on your own, like, if you was living on your own, and that they was capable of doing – pay the bills. But see, I would I will pull out their strengths, you know, you got to know what a person is capable of doing. And that’s studying that person. 

Like I said, even when a person – with some of mine that had their behaviors and stuff like that, you could almost tell when they were getting ready to take off, or have a behavior problem or whatever. I had one that was so quiet, Donald. He’s gone now. He was brilliant. That boy could write and read and nobody knew it. I did. I took the time. Because good God Almighty, bad is my spelling was, I’d say, “Hey Donald, how you spell such such?” And he would say it. He was sound the word, you know, the letters out, you know. Real harsh, but he knew what he was talking about. I said, “Donald, boy, you brilliant.” And see what I did, I gave him verbal praise a lot, you know. 

And then we would all get in the car with our sunglasses on, and act like we was like the – What do you call them brothers? The whatever, Wright brothers? The Blues Brothers! They’d be bopping along and stuff. And honey, people will see us and say, “Look at them. Look at them.” Girl, we was all wanton to have fun. See me, I make fun out of every – I make fun with everything I do. And it’s a pleasure because you know what? They’re learning. They’re becoming self-sufficient that you ain’t got to hold their hand. And then get to the point where you want to come around holding their hands, doing everything, then they get insulted, “I know how to do this. She taught me that.” 

And that was my job. And I did it well.

Rosetta wasn’t just an advocate for her clients – she was an advocate for her fellow employees too. When counselors worked weekend shifts, they were only getting paid during the day, but they also had to be available overnight. 

ROSETTA: I said uh-uh. I said Y’all ain’t doing me like that. Let me tell you one thing – I looked up in the dictionary, a day is 24 hours. So if I’m getting, working for a whole day, and working around the clock on weekends, and you’re never off – you can’t leave the residence, you’re not off – then I need to get paid. Oh girl, they used to say, “Oh my god, please let her be coming.” Because when I came, I came with facts. See you can run your mouth, and empty barrels make the most noise. But when you come in with facts – I didn’t care if you was the Pope, I’m gonna let you know that you’re not doing right by them. 

Okay, well, one weekend, oh God, it was a holiday. Everybody wanted their holiday off. I said “Oh, y’all, y’all can say what y’all want. I done called downtown. And I ain’t going in there til we get this thing settled.” Girl, I was so scared. Honey. When I went out there, that woman came from downtown, she was in there and looked over that – they didn’t even know. And if they did know, then she was acting like she didn’t. They didn’t even know they wasn’t paying us for the hours that we were in there around the clock. 

Like I say, if you don’t believe in something, you’ll fall for anything. And I opened up my mouth. And I bet you one thing – they had to go back, and they couldn’t go all the way back, not on me for almost 20 years and pay me for all that time, you know, so they just gave us an incentive. I didn’t care, as long as the next ones that was coming along, that they was gonna get paid. And that’s what’s happening today. Yep. So I was a troublemaker. 

Rosetta is retired now. Her kids are grown, and Charles died in 2008. But he’s still very much alive in Rosetta’s memory. 

It was just a caring, loving man. He was so funny, he would – your man has to make you laugh. And he has to know your ups and downs. And I shared my life with him. I shared the things that I went through. And he understood. And God sent me him, you know. And let me tell you – it’s the best thing in the world when you are loved, and when you are loved right, nobody else can come along and he will tickle your fancy any kind of way. You’ll be looking like, “Oh, please.” I ain’t gonna let nothing taint how I feel and the happiness that I’ve known, or whatever like that. And I guess at this stage in my life, I don’t want that to happen, you know? It’s wonderful. It is. It is – you can just live off that forever.

In our last conversation, Rosetta and I ended up talking about stories, and what they’ve meant to her and her family. 

ROSETTA: A story is beginning and an end, to me. It’s it’s, it’s where you start off setting the foundation and build on that. And moreso, a story is, nine times outta – it’s true facts. It’s life-altering situations and stuff like that, that you pass on. Now that’s what my, my stories are, as I define them. 

Sometimes a story is why you made a path in life this way. I’ve recently shared a couple of real personal things that I was very upset about, and I shared them with my son. He always wondered why, “Why mommy like that” or “Why mommy like that?” But I told him, respect. and I shared a couple thins with him and, “Ma, I didn’t know that. I didn’t know that happened. I didn’t know this happened.” Yeah, well, now you’re able to absorb and understand what’s what. 

Yeah, I think it’s best to be open because what is it gonna hurt? It might help a person in the long run, you know. We should know the different things in our family that have taken place without shame. We should know the things that are hereditary and our family. And we should know exactly where, where we come from, what has happened. And without shame.

Thank you for joining us for today’s episode of Lori’s Hands Community Voices. This episode was produced by Charlene Myers and me, Jennifer McCord. 

Special thanks again to Rosetta Pearson for sharing her time and stories with us. 

You can find out more about Lori’s Hands at lorishands.org, or on social media. 

And we invite you to tune in next week, to meet Vernell Murray. 

VERNELL: Since I’ve been, when I was doing community activism, I’ve been on television a few times, being asked questions about a community issue. And knowing me, when I was younger and coming up, I was very introverted. But when it came to doing community work and advocating for other people, I spoke up. And that’s where I got my strength from, is knowing I was advocating for someone who couldn’t do it for themselves.

Until next time, take care of each other. 

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S2E3: VERNELL

VERNELL: Since I’ve been – when I was doing community activism, I’ve been on television a few times, being asked questions about a community issue. And knowing me when I was younger and coming up, I was very introverted. But when it came to doing community work and advocating for other people, I spoke up. And that’s where I got my strength from, is knowing I was advocating for someone who couldn’t do it for themselves.

Hello and welcome! To the Lori’s Hands Community Voices series. I’m your host, Jennifer McCord. 

This season, we’re hearing from clients of Lori’s Hands’s newest chapter, in Baltimore, Maryland. Each week, we hear from a different client about their life, their stories, and their community. 

This week, you’ll meet Vernell Murray. I interviewed Vernell with the help of Emily Klosson, a Social Work student at the University of Maryland Baltimore County, or UMBC:  

EMILY: Vernell is an incredibly accomplished community activist. I think in general, she has a very charismatic personality, you know, I mean, she just seems like a fun person to be around – you know, she’s warm, she’s funny, you know, she’s a great storyteller. 

And pursuing going into a similar field, you know, social work and advocacy and things like that, it really felt inspiring to me to hear her story, and what she’s done with her life – it kind of just reinvigorates my motivation for doing this. Obviously, she seems like she’s been very successful in her life, and, you know, really helped a lot of people. The way she speaks about it feels so matter of fact, to me, like there was just never any question about it. Like, she just – she knew this is what she wanted to do. And she did it. And it’s pretty incredible.

Enjoy! 

VERNELL: Good morning, my name is Vernell Murray. My maiden name is Dance. And I am 70 years old. 

What I’ve always known, I have survival skills. I mean, I had obstacles, I had barriers all through my life. I’m a survivor of the foster care system number one. I went into foster care at the age of seven. I ran away at the age of 14. And I’ve been on my own ever since you know. I put myself through school and college. And I’ve been a community activist 30 plus years. So I’ve witnessed a lot of things you know, that other people have gone through. And I’ve always been that type of person to advocate for other people. So when I got started getting sick, I had to learn to advocate for myself. 

So circumstances, experiences – if you don’t adapt to them, and accept them, and know how to manage them, then they’re gonna manage you. I’ve never been a person to like to be managed. [laughs] 

Teamwork is more my thing. And advocating and delegating – those are the type of words I would use as a leader. 

Vernell says she can map these leadership skills back to her time in foster care. 

VERNELL: I was in four different homes before the age of 14. And I think everything I learned from each one played a major part in who I am today, and the things that I put into my life. 

I knew I had to make my own money, so I did little chores and stuff. And, you know, I asked people, I said, Look, if you want me to do this for you, you can pay me this, and I’ll get it done. First foster home I was in, I told the foster mother, I said – cause we already had our chores and everything – I said, well, and she was very mean, she was a mean person. I said, if I straighten up the silverware drawer, and if you give me $1.50 I’ll do a real good job. And she did, she gave me some change. But she was just a mean person. 

And then, I wanted some tap shoes, because, you know, I just liked the sound of tap shoes. So I had to, I had to earn the money to get some tap shoes and stuff. So I would do chores and stuff and run errands. I learned early that, you know, how to barter.

And I strived to be independent at an early age because my mother wasn’t there and I had this anger inside of me and didn’t know what to do with it. So in my own quiet way I was a rebel. Growing up in foster care, it’s like you try to gravitate towards something, and there just wasn’t anybody, or anything for me to gravitate towards. So whatever kind of strength I had, I had to find it within, within myself. And that’s the only thing I had to go on – it’s just the inner strength that was within me.

The other thing Vernell says she drew strength from, was her creativity. 

VERNELL: My writing took me other places. My reading took me other places, other than where I was at. I always liked the wild wild west, so I thought I was Annie Oakley. I could have been a madam in a saloon. A long time ago, I just let my imagination just just run, or my feelings – whatever I was feeling, trying to relate it in the story like that. I mean, it just helped keep me alive.

Vernell also did visual art, and even earned a scholarship to a fine art academy. But her foster parents discouraged her from going. Still, she kept finding strength from other role models. 

VERNELL: So I didn’t get that encouragement from them. So I had to get it for myself. I read about different people who encouraged me, Barbara Jordan, Shirley Chisholm, and Jesse Jackson – different people that I had to seek my encouragement from.

Vernell looked to these role models as she navigated her time at school, too. 

VERNELL: I was basically raised in Baltimore County, Overlea section. When I started going to school there, which most people know is a predominantly Caucasian community. So I was like, the one little different apple in the barrel, so to speak. 

When I was attending school, I was very nervous all the time, because it was just one of me, you know. So I made some good friends there. Not many, but you know, the ones I did meet was really nice to me. And a couple of teachers, you know, they encouraged me to continue to be me.

I think the way that I was just like, dropped into that community in foster care, just like gave me the idea what I wanted to do. When I watched the segregation, and the marching and all that kind of stuff, I said, Okay, I want to make some changes, when I get older, that’s what I want to do. I want to try to find out why people feel the way they feel about a certain race, a certain culture. And so I think it was just watching those things as I was growing up that made me get into community work at the age of 17. 

Once I got my foot kind of on the ground, I just sort of knew what I want for myself, so that’s what I would want for other people. 

I just started getting a knack of how to get resources. And I learned a lot through getting this, calling the mayor’s office, and find out different things – Who’s the Senator for this area, who’s the congress person for this area? Who do I get in touch with, if I wanted to get involved in doing such-and-such thing? 

So connecting to people to help me start learning about certain things. And some things was instinctual, you know, I learned just by instinct. 

I am invested in Baltimore, I’m invested in changes in Baltimore. I was, I just want to see some changes, I want to see some stability and sustainability, and housing and school. 

You know, I was part of the NAACP, part of the ACLU, because I just felt like, all these people need to be together to be aware of what they need to be doing and what they should have been doing. You know, not just going to meetings and having these titles and all that stuff. You know, I say, you could go to meetings all day long if you don’t do nothing. Y’all go to meetings just to say, Okay, I helped this person. You helped people that don’t really need a whole lot of help. What about the ones who really need help? Y’all, you know, they’re falling through the cracks and stuff. So these are the people you need to be addressing you sitting in the meeting saying this and that – what are you really doing? You know, are you out there in the trenches? Are you standing on the corners and all this stuff just like, like we’re doing? There’s a core group of us and we’re on the corners, we’re marching, and I don’t see y’all there. And this is what I had to let, make them aware – they weren’t doing what they were called to do. 

Since I’ve been – when I was doing community activism, I’ve been on television a few times, being asked questions about a community issue. And knowing me when I was younger and coming up, I was very introverted. But when it came to doing community work and advocating for other people, I spoke up. And that’s where I got my strength from, is knowing I was advocating for someone who couldn’t do it for themselves.

Over the years, Vernell has been an advocate for all Baltimoreans. She was involved in the Bridges not Walls program, she helped develop a community center to improve access to tech, and she was named an Open Society Institute Fellow in 1999 for her work connecting people in need to drug treatment services. And for most of her community work, she wasn’t getting paid. So she also worked as a nurse to make a living while she raised her family. 

And while she was on her nursing shifts, Vernell still found time to take creative inspiration from her patients. 

VERNELL: And I would write – I always carried my little tablet, and I would just write things down and put them in my pocket. Then I’d get home and take em, put em into my journal. It just could be something somebody said. I said, Oh, and then I would write it down in, you know, in my words. They might have said something, and I could express it in my words and say, you know, the meaning that I got from what that person said. There are times when somebody might have said something and I’d say, Can I use that? you know, so I’d write that line down. 

Vernell kept up her writing through her last job – when she worked as a counselor for a program called Addicts Changing Together. She helped people leaving Drug Court to create treatment and recovery plans, and to get access to longer-term care. And whenever people graduated from the program, Vernell would write notes of inspiration to encourage them on their next steps. Now, Vernell is turning all of the quotes and memories she’s written down over the years into a book. 

VERNELL: I always wrote notes and stuck them in my pockets – I said I knew one day, said I’m gonna write this, put this in the book. So now I’m gathering all the little quotes and things I’ve had, so this is what we’re doing. We got certain sections in the book, gratitude, acceptance, self worth. 

Vernell’s collaborator on this project is her granddaughter. For now, they meet over zoom to keep the book moving forward. 

VERNELL: And we’re looking like a year, maybe a year and a half before we’re finished. And we’re also keeping our eyes open for an editor, and put it in a good format. 

Vernell also writes a newsletter for the The Hopkins ElderPlus community she’s a part of. 

VERNELL: I get a lot of feedback now. And they enjoy reading it. And the way I word it, they enjoy it. Because it might be, they couldn’t express, they couldn’t write about the experience, they couldn’t explain the experience. But when I write it, they say Oh yeah, yeah.

Beyond her skills in writing, for now brings a lifetime of connecting people to programs and services to this newsletter, too.

VERNELL: All the resources I try to put in there so people can utilize them. You know, I did, so hey, take advantage of these things in here for you. It’s like I try to put myself in those participants place. Okay, will they enjoy this? How can I encourage them to enjoy this? When I can write these things down, it just gives me a sense of accomplishment. A sense of engaging and socializing through the writing. 

Vernell has put a lot of thought towards the value of stories, the storytellers she admires, and her own purpose. 

VERNELL: Sometimes a story’s for life experiences or lessons, and guidelines, the guide posts. When I share the experiences in my life, I’m hoping that they help somebody when the direction they’re going, where maybe my story can help them. Let them know that Okay, this person had the experience and she came through it. So maybe I can come through it too. 

I always try to look for, like, strong women like Barbara Jordan, or Shirley Chisholm. Those two women I like the way they talk. Their voice, just the sound of the voice. And it carried a lot of weight. They were strong and boisterous women. 

Even if I’m speaking to young people or older people, whoever – I think somebody can get something out all your stories that you tell, you know. Yeah I do think of myself as a storyteller when I’m relaying those things to them. Especially when I’m talking to my grandchildren, relaying certain aspects of my life and trying to relate it to the things that they, they’re going through. 

Yeah, I always tell people, I say I learned to keep my ears close to the ground. So whatever I needed, I could, I could use, you know, to better my life and experiences I knew that I would probably encounter, or somebody else would encounter. And I could pass that along. I say that’s  – I think that’s the purpose. Well, that’s my purpose. Is the lessons, the life lessons that I gathered, is for me to pass along to other people.

Thank you for joining us for today’s episode of Lori’s Hands Community Voices. This episode was produced by Emily Klosson, Terrence Moore, and me, Jennifer McCord. 

Special thanks again to Vernell Murray for sharing her time and stories with us. 

You can find out more about Lori’s Hands at lorishands.org, or on social media. And we invite you to tune in next week, to meet Pam Stanbeck. 

PAM: We had a year in the house. So I have like four or five hundred people in my phonebook. So I went through my phone book and I called everybody and some people I couldn’t remember who they were, and I called and found out who they were and talked to them. So I’ve reached out to people I hadn’t talked to for years, and they found out who I was and they were glad to hear from me, because everybody was in the house. So everybody was glad to hear from everybody. Just that human touch, somebody reaching out to you meant a lot.

Until next time, take care of each other. 

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S2E4: PAM

PAM: You know, since we’ve gotten, had to be inside, I have, I have like four or five hundred people in my phonebook. So I’ve, I’ve been calling everybody. I talk to at least five to ten people a day. I’ve reached out to people I hadn’t talked to for years. Some people I couldn’t remember who they were, and I called and found out who they were and talked to them. And they were glad to hear from me because everybody was in the house. So everybody was glad to hear from everybody.

Just that human touch, somebody reaching out to you, meant a lot. Every human being loves somebody calling out, reaching out to them to find out how they’re doing. And to be genuinely genuinely concerned. That means a lot to all humans.

Hello and welcome! To the Lori’s Hands Community Voices series. I’m your host, Jennifer McCord.

This season, we’re hearing from clients of Lori’s Hands’s newest chapter, in Baltimore, Maryland. Each week, we hear from a different client about their life, their stories, and their community.

This week, you’ll meet Pam Stanbeck Miller. I interviewed Pam with the help of Lucy Cortez, a Psychology student at the University of Maryland Baltimore County, or UMBC. Here’s Lucy:

LUCY: Pam, from the conversations we had, I feel like she’s someone that I want to have around. You know, when we talked she was very, like, relaxed, but I just feel like she’s a lot of fun, from all her stories. So that’s like my first impression of her, yeah.

I think anyone who talks to her could have something to like, take away from your conversation with her, because she does have her own ways of thinking, like of seeing things. But it’s, I don’t know, it just feels like also very universal in a way.

She seems like the type of person who’s just like, “I want to do this today.” Like, “I want to learn this thing.” And she just like goes ahead and does it. And I personally think that’s great, because that’s something… I have a lot of ideas but don’t follow through a lot. So I could definitely learn from Pam.

Enjoy!

PAM: Hi, I’m Pamela Stanbeck Miller, I’m a participant in Lori’s Hands.  

I was born and raised in Baltimore. I went through the city, the city public schools and college educated in Baltimore, the whole nine yards. So Baltimore has been my home all my life.

When we, when I grew up, Baltimore, the neighborhoods were like everybody was family. So you grew up in – it’s said it takes a village to raise a child. It really does. And so we, everybody in my neighborhood, I guess in a six or ten block radius, everybody knew everybody. Everybody knew who your mom was, everybody knew who your dad was. Everybody knew your last name, so everybody called you by your last name. Everybody knew when they seen you moving around, everybody knew who you belonged to. And so we belonged to the neighborhood.

Well I lived in front of a park, so I would just go over to, go over to the park and get on the swings and swing. We could get on our skateboard and come down the hill and skateboard. Or I remember when it snowed, we used to get trashcan tops, and we would slide down in the snow. And if we didn’t have a sleigh, we would get out when people would get trashcan tops and slide down the hill in the snow. Or we’d catch the bus and go downtown to Lexington Street and go to Lexington market and I remember this one shop has been there and has been there forever. And we would go down and get a shrimp salad sandwich. Just, Baltimore has everything. Baltimore has been home.

I’m retired, I’ve been retired for about seven years when the federal government, I had, basically had two jobs my whole entire life. I started out at Mercy Hospital as a medical secretary for seven years. And then I went to the FBI for the other 33. So that’s my 40 years of work. I started out pretty much like in the secretarial pool, when I first got to the FBI. Then I did, I did fingerprints for 16 years – I was a fingerprint examiner. And then I just went up the scale, and then I went to management analyst, and I just ended up coming out of the government as a manager.

If had to describe myself in three words, it probably would be I love to talk, I love to give, and I love to help.

One way that Pam can talk, and give, and help all at the same time – is through sharing stories.

PAM: I think stories are very powerful because basically stories tell what happened, where you started from, and where you ended up. And a lot of times when you talk about stories, people are sharing their personal aspects of their life – what they have overcome or whatever they have gone through.  

I see myself basically as a, I guess a sharer,or a person that gives out information or a person that encourages people. I see myself more as one of those than really a storyteller. Sometimes when I’m telling stories. I’m telling other people’s stories that I’ve, that I’ve heard. I’m usually sharing something I heard another elder tell me, to help younger person maneuver through life.

 Sometimes you don’t really need to talk, sometimes you need to listen when people are sharing information to you. Because sometimes that’s where you learn the greatest, your greatest, I don’t know, your greatest insight sometimes comes from people just sharing with you what they’ve gone through or what they’re going through. So you don’t always need to be sharing, sometimes you just need to be learning how to listen. I think we have, I think we’ve lost that, that thing of listening to the elders, because the elders have a lot to share.

I remember sitting at my grandmother’s, my grandmother’s feet and just listening to her talk about just her day.  

She was a farmer, she was a missionary. And she, she went from place to place, from home to home when people were sick. This is way back when I was a child.

50 or 60 years ago, they didn’t have like what they have now, all these companies that will come by and help people that were sick. They had the neighborhood, or your neighbor, or your church member would go from place to place if that person was sick. And my grandmother was a missionary, so she would go and she would help people out. Maybe she would clean their house. So she had me helping folding clothes or she washed clothes or she plait kids hair, or then she would take them food.

And so that had a great impact on who I am today because I have a heart, I always have a heart to give or to help. And that came from my grandmother.

I’m involved with the hospital for the sick children. I am involved with the Wounded Warriors. And I, I’ve been sponsoring a child overseas I guess for the past 12 years. I was visiting nursing homes, I was visiting friends that was at nursing homes and I was, I was part of the Red Hatters and we’d do different things for older adults. I always reached out for people to help people or found out you know, talk to people or try to encourage people or share information that I get or just – I mean, that’s why we are here. We are here to help.

This active energy Pam has about giving – she brings this to every area of her life.  Especially before the pandemic.

PAM: I was jumping on buses going on bus trips, I was going to the senior centers, I was going to other places, and just, I was everywhere. And I was just taking line dancing,  all kinds of games, and I was, I was volunteering over here and helping over here. And so I was very, very, very, very active life, and very full life.

Once COVID hit, a lot of that had to change. But Pam’s Lori’s Hands volunteer, Erica, was able to help Pam stay connected.

PAM: I didn’t really need any help with shopping or light cleaning. That’s one, that’s a couple of the services that Lori’s Hands provides. But she did help me with Zoom. And she’s, we came on several calls on Zoom online. She brought me on and showed me how to do it.

So Pam is filling up her schedule again.

PAM: So I’ve gotten back to line dancing, I’m doing my line dancing on Zoom. And I still have my class with my instructor on Mondays and Zoom on Tuesdays.

She also joins a weekly call on healthy aging.

PAM: Pretty much it’s where people come on – doctors, lawyers, nurses, professional people – come on and discuss different topics about what’s going on and what’s the resources that are needed by the older adults, all the services that are provided throughout the city and the state. And we discuss those topics so that everybody that’s an older adult will know what’s going on, and what services they can get, and what they can use to help them navigate throughout life.

But Pam doesn’t just join the call…

PAM: Well I’m like the, I’m like one of the people that help her navigate the Zoom call. I’m like the, I guess I’m like the co- anchor on the, on this call. She talks to the professionals and I just navigate the Zoom.

JENNIFER: Yeah, yeah, well I’m very – I’m not at all surprised to hear, but like I think it’s worth noting that you mentioned just a couple months ago and you were asking for some assistance with Zoom and getting comfortable with that. And here you are like in this official capacity like helping with Zoom for some organization.

PAM: Yep. I’m going to be better coming out than I was going in on everything. That is my goal.

And “everything” includes the little things too.

PAM: I just go outside and maybe touch, feel the warm sun on your hand or on your arm or something when you go outside and.. Just opening your car door and just feeling that sun, that sunlight touch. That brings joy.  

I’m a summer person, I love I love the beach, and I love the summer time. So I just just enjoy the weather.

And this is another thing I do, I chew bubble gum, I still chew bubble gum. So when I chew my bubble gum, I’m in thought, I’m in deep thought. I’m just meditating, talking to God.

And so in some of my low days, I would just talk to myself about how blessed – I would look out my window and see the squirrels running up and down the trees, and then chasing each other over the yard, and then one’s knocking the other one out of a tree, and they’re playing a game and – It’s but I think watching the sky, the beautiful blue sky and the flowers and the birds and the trees and little animals that were coming through my yard, and the in the green grass, and you know, the season change. And all of that was just, it was just so grounding because it lets you know that they is something greater than you are.

And even during the most isolated phase of the pandemic, Pam found ways to connect with people.

PAM: You know, since we’ve gotten, had to be inside, I have, I have like four or five hundred people in my phonebook. So I’ve, I’ve been calling everybody. I talk to at least five to ten people a day. I’ve reached out to people I hadn’t talked to for years. Some people I couldn’t remember who they were, and I called and found out who they were and talked to them. And they were glad to hear from me because everybody was in the house. So everybody was glad to hear from everybody.  

Just that human touch, somebody reaching out to you, meant a lot. Every human being loves somebody calling out, reaching out to them to find out how they’re doing. And to be genuinely genuinely concerned. That means a lot to all humans.

 I really, I called my husband’s ex and talked to her. My husband said, “Wow, you’re really bored today. You called her, you’re going through the book and calling everybody.” I said, “Yeah.” Me and her, me and her got along very well, so I just called her, was checking on her, she had moved to Florida. And I called to talk to her and she was doing great.

But I did reach out to a cousin that I had a really, had a – I won’t say an estranged relationship with, but I had, I’d say, a distant relationship with. And I decided to make peace with, with everybody. I didn’t want to have anybody that I hadn’t made peace with. So I reached out to her – not that we had anything against each other, we just don’t talk that often and I just felt like – Because sometimes you have to be the person that reaches, that gives the olive branch. So I said I would give her an olive branch. And she’s normally very difficult to talk to but for some reason she – I guess, as I’ve thrown, she has grown. So she wasn’t that difficult, after all, because you know how sometimes you put things off, and you really don’t want to, you really don’t want to deal with certain people. And you think of them the way that you last thought of them. And meanwhile years and years go by and time goes by, and they grow and you grow. But whatever reason, we had a beautiful conversation and it was very refreshing. And she was very pleasant.

As a matter of fact, I called her nephew, which is my first cousin, and said to him, “You need to reach out to her.” You know, make whatever piece you can make with her. That’s his last aunt, and they, they are not that close. And I said well, “You need to reach out to her from time to time,” and he was like, “Okay, okay.” Cause you know, I guess he was like, “Why are you getting on me?” And I was like, “Well, I called her, so if I can call and make peace, smooth everything out, then you should be able to do it as well.” So yeah, definitely good came out of it.

And that wasn’t the only good thing to come out of it. Long after our interviews with Pam, this conversation stuck with Lucy, too.

LUCY: Because as a socially awkward person, I was just like really good to hear that someone doing something that you wish you could do. For me personally, like being in college, and pretty much all of my friends have graduated, and I’m the last one. So it’s just like, everyone’s very busy. And I think sometimes people tend to overthink things. But like, keeping what Pam said like in mind, it’s like no, just like, just reach out. You know, like sometimes people are waiting for you to reach out. So why not like follow in Pam’s footsteps.

All of the phone calls Pam made  – the easy ones and the tough ones – spring from one of her fundamental philosophies:

PAM: So we are all – we’re made that way. We are made for relationships. We’re made – God made us relational. We don’t, we don’t thrive well if we don’t have relationships. Relationships help you thrive. They help you grow. They help you mature.  They help, they take away that spot and your spirit or your soul that’s lonely because you, you’re always yearning to have communication with other people. So that’s pretty much what life is – different relationships all connected.

Pam walks the walk on this in other ways too. In the diversity of ages among her friend group:

PAM: I like to, I like to meet people – I’ve never met a stranger. I’ve always had a heart for older adults. So I’ve, all my friends are much, at least 10 to 15 years older than I am. And I like meeting young people, I think that’s a very important piece that we stay in touch with, with the younger people so that they can understand us and that we can understand them.

And in how she defines family:

PAM: Well, I’m, I’m actually an only child. I have adopted all these other people that I’ve made my brothers and sisters. So I’ve adopted two women that are my sisters, and I adopted some men that are my brothers. So I, they’re my spiritual family that I have adopted.

And even in how she receives gifts from other people:

PAM: I remember my mom telling me when I was very young, when people give you something, appreciate it. People, sometimes people give you things that they think is valuable to them. So it’s not always for you all the time. It’s about the person took the time out to do it. That means more to me now, at this point in my life as an older adult, then what the gift is.

And a lifetime of investing in and working on her relationships has informed how Pam thinks about the wisdom she’s gained over the years.

PAM: So it’s necessary to go through the cycle of life and not skip any parts. So that you get older you will be really mature, you won’t be an old person that’s not mature. Because we that’s one of the saddest things, is get to maturity, you’re older and you’re not mature. And going through those hard knocks and going through those valleys and those peaks, that’s what matures you. Skipping over steps, that don’t mature you.  Getting to be an older person, that don’t necessarily mature you.

Everybody seems to want everything like a microwave lifestyle. Like a mic – you put it in there, and it comes out and it’s ready to go. Life doesn’t work that way. You have to go through the steps.

Everybody has to go through each step of life, and that, that phase, and it’s an, it’s an important reason why you have to go through that. Because you, in that part what you’re trying to skip over, you learn so much about yourself. Because you have to find out what your strengths and your weaknesses are.

After hours of interviews, I still don’t think I could name a single one of Pam’s weaknesses. But I am not surprised that getting to know her own weaknesses, and really getting comfortable with them, has become one of Pam’s many strengths.

Thank you for joining us for today’s episode of Lori’s Hands Community Voices. This episode was produced by Lucy Cortez, Lexi Smith, and me, Jennifer McCord.

Special thanks again to Pam Stanbeck Miller for sharing her time and stories with us.

You can find out more about Lori’s Hands at lorishands.org, or on social media.

And we invite you to tune in next week, to meet Antoinette Sores.

ANTOINETTE: I don’t want to be bothered with anything if I can’t be good in it. I don’t want to waste my time. You know, so I worked at being really, really good. And I also think that I was coming in at the time when it was mostly men working. And I would say that, I guess I’m kind of competitive. Being a female. My hands were smaller. I could handle more delicate work. And it helped me to excel. It helped me to get a name out there as a dental technologist.

Until next time, take care of each other.

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S2E5: ANTOINETTE

ANTOINETTE: I don’t want to be bothered with anything if I can’t be good in it. I don’t want to waste my time. You know, so I worked at being really, really good. And I also think that I was coming in at a time when it was mostly men working, and being a female, my hands were smaller, I could handle more delicate work, and it helped me to excel. It helped me to get a name out there as a dental technologist.

Hello and welcome! To the Lori’s Hands Community Voices series. I’m your host, Jennifer McCord. 

This season, we’re hearing from clients of Lori’s Hands’s newest chapter, in Baltimore, Maryland. Each week, we hear from a different client about their life, their stories, and their community. 

This week, you’ll meet Antoinette Sores. I interviewed Antoinette with the help of Elizabeth Rockabrand, a student at the University of Maryland Baltimore County, or UMBC. Here’s Elizabeth: 

ELIZABETH: Speaking with Antoinette, I think she sounded very confident. She didn’t seem to shy away from opportunities. It didn’t seem like she took her life for granted. Like every moment, she seemed to speak so warmly of, and that she had really cherished it. And it might be her age, but it might just be her – she might just be someone who’s always cherished, I think, her life in ways that I don’t think a lot of people do. 

Enjoy! 

ANTOINETTE: Hello, my name is Antoinette Cecilia Sores. I am 80 years old. And I’ve never been a just-stay-in-the-house-and-sit-still person. I have been volunteering since 2002, when I retired, with the three groups that work with women. 

I come from a very large family on the east side of Baltimore. I’m the oldest of eight. I had nine aunts and uncles on my father’s side; I had 12 aunts and uncles from my mother’s side. It’s a family that was one of the large families that almost everybody knew. 

My mother always was home. My father worked. I went to Catholic school, the nuns, you know, they weren’t going to let us just skip by. My mother kept such an eye on us that she allowed the children to come in our house, in our basement, and she knew where we were. But we had an awful lot of fun in here. See I lived – and I don’t know if you’ve seen this in your native city – row houses. We lived close together. But even though we lived close together, we enjoyed each other.

Another thing Antoinette enjoyed from a young age was athletics. 

ANTOINETTE: Oh I always participated in sports. I played softball when it was softball season, I played basketball when it was basketball season, I played volleyball when it was volleyball season. And then when I didn’t have anything else to do, would swim. 

And I would say that I guess I’m kind of competitive. [laughs] It was the same thing in, in school. I wanted to get good grades. Even when I didn’t get them,I still strived for it. I want to be good at whatever I’m doing, or it seems like a waste of time.

After she graduated high school, one of the jobs where Antoinette got to show how good she was, was in the military. 

ANTOINETTE: I went in the Army in 1968, 10 years after I graduated high school. I always wanted to go into the military. And I really thought I would travel and just get some different experiences in life. And that’s what was my motivation. But I just didn’t want to go through what you had to go through, female going in the military. So I didn’t do it. 10 years after graduating high school, I did go. 10 years, I just felt like, I don’t care, I’m just going to do what I want to do. I’m not gonna concern myself with anyone else’s feelings. 

So I just went in, and I was already – my mother was like a sergeant. She had to be with eight of us. She had to be. I knew how to make a bed. I knew, if I didn’t make it right, the mattress would be pulled off. I already knew how to wear a uniform, because I wore it all of my life during school. I knew how to take that discipline because of the nuns. So I was, the military, I was ready for that. 

But the most of it was, at that time, I’m going to tell you. [Exhales.] Segregation was so high, that it wasn’t easy for any choice that we made.

But even a system that was designed to work against her was no match for Antoinette’s commitment to excellence. 

ANTOINETTE: By the time I was maybe a year and a half in the military, I had made five promotions. 

I earned one promotion out of basic training. I earned one promotion out of advanced training. And I earned another promotion when I went to Aberdeen. And then on the fourth one, that’s when you have to go before the board, and I kind of asked for that one, I became an E4. And then not long after that, I became an E5. And even as an E4. I was in charge of an E5 barracks. 

And I was a dental assistant. They trained me as a dental assistant in the service. And when I was finished with my term, I just didn’t want to be an assistant anymore. I wanted to be a dental technician. So I decided I was getting out of the military and going on to school.

So Antoinette enrolled in a Dental Technology program.

ANTOINETTE: And part of our program, we were sent to the school to work with the dentists to do their lab work. And it was training for us, but at the same time it helped them.

The lab work that Antoinette got experience with was making the physical objects that dentists would prescribe: 

ANTOINETTE: Like dentures and partials and crowns and bridges. I called myself the Creator of Smiles. Because people with no teeth don’t smile. They smile, but they cover themselves up. But as soon as you put those dentures in their mouth – I mean, the biggest smile, grin, whatever you want to describe it as. 

Okay, let me see if I can make you feel some of the joy. I had a patient who had that – he had cancer, and he had to have a tracheotomy done. So whenever they talk, they had to cover that hole up that’s in front of their throat, right? Well, I put a piece of wire on the end of his tray and I asked the doctor to, while he’s taking the impression of his gums, take the impression of that hole in the back. And he did. And I built a piece in the back of his denture that permanently covered that hole when his denture was in his mouth. And so he never had to cover that hole again, he talked like you and I. 

If you can just imagine. I’m gonna tell you his reaction was over and above anything because he didn’t realize that just saying thank you one time was enough. So I called myself the Creator of Smiles. 

I don’t want to be bothered with anything if I can’t be good in it. I don’t want to waste my time. You know, so I worked at being really, really good. And I also think that I was coming in at the time when it was mostly men working, and being a female, my hands was smaller, I could handle more delicate work, and it helped me to excel. It helped me to get a name out there as a dental technologist.

Antoinette retired from her work as a dental tech in 2002, but she wasn’t ready to slow down. She jumped into volunteer work, and also made time for her true passion – softball. 

ANTOINETTE: I played softball with seniors. I started with that organization they call The Golden Girls of Vienna, Virginia.

The Golden Girls were competitive. 

ANTOINETTE: But so were the teams that from the warm weather states, because they could play all year. So we traveled. Florida, Myrtle Beach, places like that, and do tournament’s. I was able to go a couple of times to Hawaii even.

And Antoinette’s speed and drive made her a valuable player on the team. 

ANTOINETTE: In the senior softball games, if a player got on, and maybe her legs were not that good, I could run for her, but only one per inning.

Sadly, in 2017, a health scare changed things. 

ANTOINETTE: And we were in Tampa, Florida, I had just run the bases. And that – in the dugout, I could not get my breath. I just could not get it. And I ended up in the hospital there, in Tampa. And when I came home, I went to my cardiologist and I talked with my cardiologist. While talking with her, I got out of breath. She called lifeline. I ended up in Johns Hopkins. Came home, discharged. From that visit, I went to talk with my primary care doctor. And on the way home, my heart felt like it was coming out of my system.

Rosetta was rushed to the hospital and a team had to use a defibrillator to restart her heart. On Doctor’s orders, she gave up softball after that. But that hasn’t stopped the Golden Girls from trying to recruit her back.

ANTOINETTE: They’re still trying to get me to come and coach but I’m not a coach. It would be too tempting for me to jump in and yes, and do something. So I have to – I’m just not going to tax my heart like that anymore. I’m just so blessed. I just am thankful that I was able to play as long as I did. I just cannot accept anything negative about it, because it brought me so much joy.

Even without softball in her life, Antoinette still applies her sense of discipline and excellence to her mindset. 

ANTOINETTE: We have an awful lot of control over what happens to us then we want to realize. 

I remember when I was working and I did sick, slick leave. You know what slick leave is, don’t you? Well, when you’re on a job and you, you can take leave, you accumulate time. So I had an awful lot of sick leave because I hardly ever got sick. I call it slick leave because you pretend you’re sick so you can get out of work 

[Laughs] Well, anyway, shoot, I had my work done, I just want to come home, so I had some slick leave. And on the way home I was still pretending I was sick. I was acting like this, “Oh, yeah,” I was just acting slow. And I said to myself, “You damn fool you, you out here on slick leave. There’s nothing wrong with you.” 

But I just realized that we can actually have more control over how our system works. What it returns back to us. It gives us whatever we shape it.

Antoinette brings this sense of agency to her community, too. 

ANTOINETTE: My neighborhood right now, I have gotten the young men to not throw their trash. I have gotten them to come, if they want to hang around in the neighborhood, they have to keep it clean. So there’s, there’s some of them who will come to me and ask me for the broom and shovel because, well they know I’m going to [laughs] get after them. And some of the young men, I saw them grow up. And I used to treat them with certain things. And so I could talk with them. Some of them knew me and they still called me by my name. And just like they’re special to me, I want to be special to them. And, and I tell them, I tell them how I feel. But also tell them I love them. And I do want to thank all of you who check on us, who talk to us, who try to help us know who we are. And I thank you.

Thank you for joining us for today’s episode of Lori’s Hands Community Voices. This episode was produced by Elizabeth Rockabrand, Yoni Isaacs, and me, Jennifer McCord. 

Special thanks again to Antoinette Sores for sharing her time and stories with us. 

You can find out more about Lori’s Hands at lorishands.org, or on social media. And we invite you to tune in again next week – to our final episode of the season – to meet Marguerite Woods. 

MARGUERITE: When I think about myself these days, I think of the fact that I’m Black. I am bald. I am blind. I’m beautiful. And I’m bold.

Until next time, take care of each other. 

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S2E6: MARGUERITE

MARGUERITE: It’s, it’s an interesting life that we live. And we have so many choices. So I just want to make choices that make better sense to how, and are related to how I feel. And I used to try to live my life from what I thought was right and wrong. And now I’m more inclined to live my life from, How does it feel inside of me. And by that, I mean, when something happens, I’m trying to own what I think about it, and then how I feel about what I thought. And if it feels good, you know, I’ll do more of it. And if it doesn’t feel so good, I’ll try to soften it and sort of move into something that feels a little better.

Hello and welcome! To the last episode of Season Two of Lori’s Hands Community Voices. I’m your host, Jennifer McCord. 

This season, we’re hearing from clients of Lori’s Hands’s newest chapter, in Baltimore, Maryland. 

Each week, we hear from a different client about their life, their stories, and their community. 

And this week, you’ll meet Marguerite Woods. I interviewed Marguerite with the help of Damilola Shabi, a Media and Communications student at the University of Maryland Baltimore County, or UMBC. Here’s Damilola: 

DAMILOLA: Marguerite is an activist. Like I feel like the first word that came to my mind is like, strong-willed. I feel like she tried to talk about her life, but also, in a way, to teach others about what they could do in their own lives. Kind of being a teacher in some way, or like trying to inspire good things in other people. I feel like it was a peek into like, how she looks at the world and her care for others, and what she is able to do. Marguerite has agency about everything in her life. 

Enjoy! 

MARGUERITE: I am Marguerite Woods. And of course that’s my name – and many facets of who I am, many stages I’ve been through. And when I think about myself these days, I think of the fact that I’m Black, I am bald, I am blind, I’m beautiful, and I’m bold. 

I am a family member, I’m a sister, a mom. And I am an advocate for blind – I was gonna say issues, but I don’t really mean issues – blind desires. Things that support people dealing with blindness so that they can live independently and be a valuable part of society. 

I’m also an advocate for older adults, and just seeing older adults as assets to the community. You know, helping older adults recognize it in themselves, and helping the rest of the community to recognize it as well. And um, I like connecting with people and talking with people from different backgrounds and cultures. I enjoy traveling, and I love art. I like music. 

When I was sighted I loved visiting museums. And as a blind person, I started to recognize that those things can be available for my enjoyment with just a few considerations. When I became blind, as a matter of fact, one of the things that I recognized that it was important for me to find things to do that could soothe me, because it was an anxious time. And I had an opportunity to be in India for a while, and while I was there, I did a workshop and got an opportunity to put my hands in some clay. And it was so soothing for me. I made a mental note that when I came back to the States, I was gonna look for clay classes. So I was able to, to find classes, and I found an instructor that wasn’t afraid to teach a blind person. 

Baltimore Clayworks, because I was the first student that they’d had that was blind, they started asking me if I would teach a class of their teachers and help them understand how to relate to a blind student. So because I thought that a practical experience always really kind of brings it home for everybody, I wanted those instructors to teach me a skill that I did not already have. I was a hand crafter and not a wheel thrower, and so I wanted them to teach me how to throw clay on the wheel. 

And it was very interesting, because they had to think about it, and what could they say to me so that I could get a visual of what they were talking about. First of all, you know, they had to show me what the wheel itself was all about, you know, what the seating was like, and the pedals. And of course, I touched everything – they would explain it to me, I would touch it, and then I would give them back what I thought they were saying.

So once I got comfortable, they gave me some clay and let me play with the pedal so that I could cause the wheel to move. I could get comfortable with how fast it was going on, or how to slow it down. What it felt like finding the center, feeling the grooves in the, the wheel, so that I could figure out where the center of it was. Putting water on the clay, so that it had a certain feel a certain consistency. Using the sponge, and how to use the tools. 

And, um, so I would try certain things, and they would let me know if I was getting close to what they were asking me to do, if I were not. You know, different teachers would give me information trying to help me understand it, and, of course, some of them, they would be better at it than others, but everybody was learning about it. And um, it was really fascinating how that all worked out. And so at the end of the night, I ended up actually throwing a piece of clay and creating a cylinder. I didn’t get much height, but for me to even get what I got was huge for the very first time. 

And so that helped a lot of teachers, you know, just really have an experience of how important it is to pay attention, to think about it – you know, they’re used to showing people, not articulating it. And so, so that worked out tremendously well. 

That’s become quite a hobby for me, I’ve created quite a few pieces, and even had an opportunity to have some of my work in a gallery. And so um, that’s become an important part of my life as well.

I grew up as a sighted person. And so just like, you know, many sighted people, I never really thought about, you know, what it meant to be a blind person. And what that, you know, all entailed. I just kind of, you know, glossed over it, and even in many ways, was happy that I was not blind. It’s like, “I’m glad that’s not what I have to deal with.” And not even knowing exactly what that meant. It just meant, it didn’t look like the majority of the people that I knew, and you know, our thoughts, you know, their themes, and so they speak without being spoken, a lot of times. You can feel this energy about any disability in this society, and you have a sense of it, without hearing the words. You don’t even understand why you feel an aversion to it. But you’re picking it up from all around you. And so when I became blind as an adult, I had those same indoctrinated beliefs about blindness. Only now, I’m talking about myself, I’m thinking about myself. So I’ve got to find a way, a better way of thinking about blindness, because here it is, I’m talking about myself – or I’m going to succumb to those limited and limiting beliefs. And so it becomes a real expansion, um, inside of you about what you’re willing to think about yourself and other people so that you can actually grow and be able to, to manage who you are. 

I’m connected to an organization called the National Federation of the Blind as a chapter president, and I’m emphasizing the word “of,” because this organization is run by blind people. And there are a lot of organizations out there and they are for the blind. So I was fortunate enough to find out about the National Federation of the Blind and learn a bit about its philosophy about independence. And that blindness is not the characteristic that defines you. So with the proper tools and training, we can do what we want. You know, we can live the lives that we want. 

You know, a lot of organizations are about overcoming blindness and NFB is about, “Okay, I’m blind. Now what?” 

One of the things about the National Federation of the Blind, they’ve been around for 80 years. And you know, a lot of times, we’re asking for something, but the, the members of the Federation have already figured out the solution. So they’re actually helping to educate and teach, you know, what works. And that’s why the National Federation of the Blind is so unique, because a lot of its members have figured out ways to allow independence, which is very different than, you know, handing people crutches.

Advocacy is huge, with the National Federation of the Blind. And, and so the pledge is about supporting, actively supporting the National Federation of the Blind in its efforts to achieve equality, opportunity, and security for the Blind. Once a year, we have what they call the Great Gathering In where we go to Washington DC – of course, during the pandemic, we did not – but the national membership will decide on the kinds of issues we want to bring to the federal, the national level, senators and congressmen. 

You know, a lot of people are very interested in quiet cars, because it’s nice. But for a blind person in the environment, we need those sounds. It helps us to figure out what’s going on around us and when it’s safe for us to proceed and move further. So we’ve advocated with the manufacturers, as well as the government to still have sound so that we can know what’s going on. If you’re walking out in the street and you hear a vehicle come up, you can tell how well maintained the vehicle is by the way it sounds, you can tell if the brakes are faulty. You know, even though there are street lights, not all cars are going to, you know, obey the lights. And you can hear them coming, you can hear how fast they’re moving. And all that’s very important. And not just for blind people. And that’s the other part – when, when it’s helpful to us, it’s helpful to the society at large. When you think about parents with their children, and sometimes they get distracted gathering the kids – if they hear a vehicle, even though they don’t see it because they’re distracted, they’re going to move differently with that child. But if they don’t hear it, and they’re distracted, they may end up walking out in the streets. So we’re, we advocate and help people understand how to do what they’re doing so that they can have what they want, but it also is what we want. 

You know, it’s different stages of it. You know, I was coming through losing my sight, so there were different stages, and I’m totally blind now. But I remember not being able to see people’s facial features. And I really thought that I would never be able to meet a stranger and ever feel comfortable again, because I could not see their features. I also thought that I was losing my hearing. And I just discovered that I was using my vision to hear. And that was interesting for me. If I’d asked you, “Hoe, how are you?” And you answered with your words, I realized I’d never really listened to what you said. I might have heard the sound of your voice, but I looked at you and came to my own conclusion. And so I started using my hearing, and listening. And so people sometimes think when you lose a sense, a physical sense, that your other senses sort of kick in. And what does kick in is the greater need to use your other senses. It’s always been there, but I wasn’t focused on it. 

People like tactile kinds of things. And I had a piece of art in a gallery, and the whole theme of the show was called Ways to See. And so all of the artists, I think it was about 10 of us, everybody’s work had to be tactile, and you had to create something that would invite people to see the work using all their senses. So people created things that had smells and sounds and, you know, everything, you could touch. And it was, it was very interesting. And so sighted people, it was really funny. They kept saying, “Really, I can touch it? I can touch this?” You know, it was really – because people have been so conditioned through the years when you’re in a museum – Do not touch, do not touch. And they were, you know, they wanted to do it, but they were very hesitant. It’s like, this must be a Candid Camera moment.

Of course, I grew up in Baltimore, a place that many people who are from Baltimore know, as Sandtown, western side of Baltimore. And then I ended up moving into what is now known as the Gwynn Oak. area. I didn’t know until I was in school and someone told us that we were, quote, unquote, “living in the ghetto,” and that we were considered poor.

So those were words that didn’t, didn’t have the feeling of the life that I was living. So I found that to be very interesting. And, you know, when you look around the world, it’s a, it’s a mindset that has just, you know, woven its way into the fabric of so many people, so many cultures. And uh, and it’s, it’s, you know, it’s a lie. [laughs] But it doesn’t matter that it’s a lie, because it’s having an effect on what people’s lives are about. 

If I go way back to my earlier years, some of the first sounds that I remember, there was the ice man who used to pull a wagon with a big block of ice on it, like five or six o’clock in the morning, and you could hear him pulling up his his, his wagon, and he’d be just saying, “Ice man! Get your ice here! Ice man!” So the people in the neighborhood can hear. 

And the other thing that I remember hearing in the neighborhood is, you know, kids played outside. And so dodgeball was a, was a big thing, and you could hear kids playing dodgeball. And then there was hopscotch. And hula hoops, that was a big deal when I was growing up – you could do it on your leg, your arms, your neck. And you’d hear kids skating on the streets. And these were ball bearing skates. Ball bearing number fives were the best. 

Another thing that we had in the neighborhood when I was growing up, there were lots of parades, you had majorettes, and every May, I think, May 31st, um Memorial Day, we would do a maypole kind of thing. And so we had like crepe paper, you know, attached to the flagpole, and somehow they taught us how to do a formation of several people, and it was over and under kind of thing. And so we would cover the maypole. You know, we would dress up and it was just fine. 

Gosh, one of the other sounds that we would hear – the neighborhood guys who love to sing in the evenings when the street lights came on. Because all of us had to be home, or at least on the steps when the street lights came on. And so those guys would be out there singing the most popular R&B songs, and they could really sing too. They would stand under the streetlight, and they would laugh and, you know, call for the people that they knew could sing, and who was going to do which parts, and that kind of thing. So that was a lot of fun. 

Well, um, there was the little lady that lived across the street – Miss Maggie and her mom. And uh, so I used to go to their house in the evenings because Miss Maggie’s mom, Miss Annie, she loved Tarzan. So we would go over and watch Tarzan at her house. And I had friends who lived all around. It was a Carolyn, and an Antoinette, and then there was Sondra and her brother Ralph who lived across the street. She was older, and she would braid our hair. And the Spencers, they owned the grocery store around the corner, and Mr. Roberts had the barber shop. And my school was down the street, and uh..

My neighborhood was rich with many different levels of socio economic backgrounds. I mean, I knew that there were judges that didn’t live far from me. They were lawyers, there were doctors, Black doctors had offices in our neighborhood, dentists. There were school teachers in the neighborhood. There were, you know, people who worked at General Motors and Bethlehem Steel. There were domestic workers, there were sanitation workers. There were people who worked for the city of Baltimore. And so we just had a plethora of people in the neighborhood. So it was just, it was rich, it was very rich that way.

And then I went on to live in Harford County, Maryland, which is north of Baltimore. In probably, oh, the mid ‘80s I moved to Harford County, I actually lived in Harford County for about 15 years. And um, when my vision started to get so low that I could no longer drive, I ended up moving back into Baltimore City to our family’s home, which is in the Gwynn Oak area of Baltimore. And I came back to Baltimore because public transportation was a lot more accessible than living in Harford County. So the services to help me manage my blindness. Not just medical, but I’m also getting skills so that I could be more independent. And then getting to places that, you know, like doctor’s appointments, or even libraries, and, you know, just to have a fulfilling experience in my life.

 It’s um, it’s an interesting life that we live. And we have so many choices. So I just want to make choices that make better sense to how, and are related to how I feel. And I used to try to live my life and what I thought was right and wrong. And now I’m more inclined to live my life from, “How does it feel inside of me?” And by that I mean, when something happens, I’m trying to own what I think about it, and then how I feel about what I’ve thought. And if it feels good, you know, I’ll do more of it. And if it doesn’t feel so good, I’ll try to soften it and sort of move into something that feels a little better. 

In a way stories have been my life. Stories that I tell myself, the stories that I’ve been told, the ones that I took on, and the ones that I rejected – all of them have had an impact on me. And so the details kind of create the story in some way. And sometimes I don’t know the story until later. But if I look back, I recognize the story. It’s sort of given me more clarity about how we have the ability to narrate the story. But we also, um, can change the narration. And it moves you in a different direction. Because your attention and your focus is on the story in a different way. And that’s, um, I guess that’s the, the part of life that I’m sort of examining, is – how do you change the narration in a way that you embrace it from your heart?

Thank you for joining us for today’s episode of Lori’s Hands Community Voices. This episode was produced by Damilola Shabi, Cadia Montero, and me, Jennifer McCord. 

Special thanks again to Marguerite Woods, and to all the clients who spoke to us this season, for sharing their time and stories with us. 

And thank you, for joining us for this season. We hope you’ve enjoyed the time you’ve spent with these clients.  

And while we’re here at the end of another season of Lori’s Hands Community Voices, the work Lori’s Hands does happens year-round. If you’d like to stay connected, please reach out! You can get in touch with Lori’s Hands by vitising lorishands.org, by emailing contact@lorishands.org, or on social media. 

Until next time, take care of each other. 

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